#1
“You’re not bad at this just because you can’t figure out the problem! That’s why you’re in school. You gotta learn how to do it first! I believe in you!”
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#2
Me, getting my test back: “I hate myself”
Him: “Wait til you hit your mid-twenties. Then that self hatred will really start solidifying”
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#3
“So, if you start your weekend with $250, and you end up Sunday night with $10- stop laughing, you’re gonna understand adulthood soon enough.”
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#4
“I love my dog! He’s better than, well, most people actually”
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#5
Him: “Try this problem out! It’s a pretty cool one, the answer took years to figure out.”
Me, twenty minutes later: “…..there’s no solution is there”
Him & his colleagues, cackling like gremlins: “NO!”
Me: “You let me STRUGGLE for that long????”
Them: “Yeah it was really funny”
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#6
Me: “Bruh”
Him: “Don’t call me bruh”
Me: “Sorry dude”
Him: “That’s better”
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#7
“You know those old 90’s karate movies with the sensei that’s a complete a*shole? I’d like to be like that, but for math. The a*shole math sensei. That’s me”
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#8
Him: “So the variable is….”
Me: “I don’t…. know”
Him: “[strangled shrieking]”
Me: “You good?”
Him: “I am a hollowed out shell of a man”
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#9
“I had GREAT sleep last night. Like, four entire hours. God it was wonderful”
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#10
Me: “So I /will/ pass out, but you don’t have to call an ambulance”
Him: “You’ve been in my class for an entire month Ellie. Why do you wait to tell me important things? I get memes in my email but I don’t get to know important health concerns.”
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#11
Him: “Okay kids, someone tell me a joke while I erase the board”
Me: “My life”
Him: “You think your life is a joke now? Just wait ‘til you’re a grad student. God I’m sad.”
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#12
“Are you telling me none of you full grown 90’s kids know how to use an excel spreadsheet??? I take it back I don’t know if i can do this anymore”
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#13
“Stop putting yourself down! You can do math! It’s easy for me because it’s my career path. You can do it, I promise.”
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#14
“I’m so old. Do you even know what Top Gun is??? Knowing Space Jam is one thing, but if you don’t know what Top Gun is I’m too old to be friends with you”
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#15
“Apples are fun to throw at stop signs. What, I was young once”
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#16
“I’m not smart just because I can do complex math in my head! ….Okay maybe I am but my point is you can too someday”
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#17
“Hold onto your hats, kids, we’re gonna do some algebra!!! ….What? That’s a saying! That people say!”
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#18
“I’m sorry an old man yelled at you, but that happens in the city. You just gotta get used to old men saying mean things. They’re mean to me too.”
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#19
“No, I can’t put my age in the spreadsheet, it’s gonna [mess] up the results because you’re ALL 18 and I’m OLD!”
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#20
Him: “You guys can call me whatever you want, honestly, as long as it’s not old man”
Me: “Who calls you that you’re like 25”
Him: “I FELL ASLEEP WATCHING ONE MOVIE OKAY. ONE.”
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