1.
Dr: I was going to ask if you were sexually active but-
— thom (@Barknado69) December 15, 2015
Me [wearing hot dog costume]: but what
2.
I was high and this looked like the fish from spongebob pic.twitter.com/QRWdTEDmje
— Lil ian (@mamacitaa47) May 27, 2017
3.
When Canadians fight on Twitter. pic.twitter.com/kVyRYTOcQs
— Brosephine Wires (@JoParkerBear) May 28, 2017
4.
THE PIKACHU REACHED OUT TO PET MY HEAD?????? IM NO SURE WHY BUT I ACCEPTED IT pic.twitter.com/r8vM9420z6
— Muscle Friend@AX (@destroyfrog) May 29, 2017
5.
My son wrote "thicc" on my patio 56 times. pic.twitter.com/53MmhrP3ny
— Craig Calcaterra (@craigcalcaterra) May 30, 2017
6.
fidget spinners are whack, when I was in 8th grade we'd shove a spoonful of cinnamon down our throats and try to survive for fun
— radey (@NathanRadey) May 25, 2017
7.
Is this what private schools are like? pic.twitter.com/IrEriZsbvs
— HOLDEN (@holden_a_fork) May 17, 2017
8.
Graduated with a 9.0 Gpa, 80,000,000$ dollars in scholarships, 2 Grammys, Olympic gold medalist, and went 2xPlatinum. pic.twitter.com/kqgyRLmS1D
— Anson (@ansontm) May 27, 2017
9.
Wanna feel old? This is Hanson now. pic.twitter.com/EwHrrGbq5E
— Krista Doyle (@Krista_Doyle) May 29, 2017
10.
The whole internet loves Milkshake Duck, a lovely duck that drinks milkshakes! *5 seconds later* We regret to inform you the duck is racist
— Pixelated Boat (@pixelatedboat) June 12, 2016
11.
I CANT BELIEVE THIS JUST HAPPENED TO ME IM SCREAMING pic.twitter.com/TiDD8NoFi8
— Stephne Tate (@quailtea) May 26, 2017
12.
COWORKER: hey how are u
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) June 1, 2017
ME (in his face): stop asking me questions i dont know answers to, greg
13.
why have I made this. pic.twitter.com/tvX9HWDtii
— harrison (@HarrisonCalaby) May 26, 2017
14.
If you can have soup in a bread bowl there's absolutely no reason why you can't have a hot tub in a bigger bread bowl.
— Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux) June 1, 2017
15.
If white people have no culture why does Spicy Water exist pic.twitter.com/OQrLZrSIvQ
— Spicy Water (@leakiestfaucet) May 26, 2017
16.
Me: I've gotta eat better
— Taz (@serene_oddity) May 29, 2017
*tries brown rice* pic.twitter.com/m9W99yppgZ
17.
just cracking open a cold one with the boys pic.twitter.com/rFa3UuU2Ce
— isabel (@spoookybabe) May 30, 2017
18.
It's weird to think people who are 5ft are only 5 subways long
— The Awkward Tweet (@TheAwkwardTweet) April 16, 2017
19.
yeah i smoke weed
— weonawdo (@urmomscrush) May 26, 2017
W – mom
E – pick
E- me up
D – this party is scary
20.
I texted the phone number one above mine and pic.twitter.com/6RPm660Jru
— Jules (@Julian_Epp) May 22, 2017
21.
What is she thinking? pic.twitter.com/rFufrgMb
— MELANIA TRUMP (@MELANIATRUMP) August 10, 2012
22.
Arnold Palmer: get me a refreshing drink
— Mike F (@mikefossey) October 30, 2014
Barkeep: try this, its lemonade and iced tea
Arnold Palmer: Mmm… its good… I just invented it.
23.
Yes, finally a swimsuit that allows me to sneak a ham poolside. pic.twitter.com/LHN2RP1UNx
— Amanda Mancino (@Manda_like_wine) May 29, 2017
24.
"you're all probably wondering why I've brought you here today" pic.twitter.com/DY9t6EAcg8
— Smallie Biggs (@notwillystroker) June 1, 2017
25.
Me: hey
— Kamrul (@_ki04) May 30, 2017
Person with clear skin: honestly its just water
26.
unfollow me now if you play the flute, I don't need that kind of drama in my life. clarinet players can stay but you're on fucking thin ice
— horse (@Karate_Horse) April 26, 2016
27.
Smokin a blunt I see some disrespectful ass flies havin sex on my foot pic.twitter.com/LooycJbA3K
— 93™Jayy$avage (@realestniggantx) May 24, 2017
28.
me too bitch you're not special pic.twitter.com/GT2aFNGsSu
— rae paoletta (@PAYOLETTER) June 1, 2017
29.
I find it kind of funny
— Dan Abromowitz (@AnnDabromowitz) May 26, 2017
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Hello Dying my name's Dad
30.
I got called pretty today, actually the full statement was "youre pretty dumb" but im only focusing on positive things today
— Mark (@NoticablyBacon) May 24, 2017