1.
I can't take one more man pretending he invented dieting. I drank "Soylent" in college when it was called Slim-Fast. https://t.co/DtN9MXC5Qw
— JenAshleyWright (@JenAshleyWright) September 5, 2017
2.
A great twist on Game of Thrones would be if the whole cast died from infections from minor wounds because theres no antibiotics yet
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) September 5, 2017
3.
— fangmeli (@pangmeli) September 6, 2017
4.
This dude in Sephora told his wife "just get whatever you want" and I swear heads everywhere turned.
— Jenna Lightstone (@jennalightstone) September 9, 2017
5.
The world right now is like when you'd get bored with your Sim City and just use all the disaster options at once
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) September 8, 2017
6.
The creepiest phrases I've read on Twitter in the last few days are "clown smell" and "Billy Bush weekend."
— emily nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) September 9, 2017
7.
this is the last thing you see after you talk shit about garfield pic.twitter.com/J6cInQH9Lt
— Rachel Zarrell (@rachel) September 10, 2017
8.
When you take a selfie to get a photo of the hottie behind you! pic.twitter.com/VK0QKuEe4G
— Angie Morrison (@cadburysmirnoff) September 8, 2017
9.
No, YOU spent all day trying to force your cat to pose for fake "back to school day" photos.
— Lilit Marcus (@lilitmarcus) September 5, 2017
10.
The teen running The World computer simulation really needs to lay off the Red Bull.
— Lisa Tozzi (@lisatozzi) September 8, 2017
11.
WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO and other things i would like to ask my neighbour who spends literal hours leaning out her window, on the phone
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) September 9, 2017
12.
when will my reflection show
— Sarah Aspler (@saspler) September 7, 2017
who
i
am
inside pic.twitter.com/Ispy74IsQ0
13.
I'm just a girl, standing in front of a straight, white boy, telling him I know more about the subject than him because it's my actual job.
— Alice Sanders (@wernerspenguin) September 7, 2017
14.
Thank goodness for the BBC. I don't pay my TV licence to see filth like "mother" on the telly. pic.twitter.com/c7ETzjqxWO
— V. (@_vixx) September 5, 2017
15.
I, too, casually arrange photographs of my 100 children to face outwards so I can only see the backs of frames pic.twitter.com/Pa0cHP5ayj
— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) September 8, 2017
16.
I'm probably more pleased with myself than I should be. pic.twitter.com/YiTOfbuDih
— K Schroeds (@kbschroedy) September 1, 2017
17.
if ghosts r real why are there no dinosaur ghosts? think about that, but u won't bc i just blew your mind with something called logic, idiot
— beth: what happened (@bourgeoisalien) September 7, 2017
18.
what's up with this dramatic movie poster font choice. how many did he kill on his first day pic.twitter.com/yrni6PsdMg
— Lex Croucher (@lexcanroar) September 7, 2017
19.
If female writers wrote characters of the opposite sex like male writers do pic.twitter.com/YE4o3lXq5A
— Manataerys Stormborn (@SaveTheMayotee) September 8, 2017
20.
can i get uuuuuh one unhappy meal pic.twitter.com/YewZtoD6p2
— z (@deadsmayhem) September 4, 2017