1.
Buddy told me once “Man, if we had eggs, we could make Steak ‘n Eggs. If we had Steak.”
2112xanadu

2.
“The only difference between you and me, is a couple of drinks” Jim Lahey
redditchokesonpubes

3.
“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” -Winston Churchill
TheSexyMicrowave

4.
“I feel bad for people that don’t drink because when they wake up in the morning, that is the best they’re going to feel all day.” – Frank Sinatra
JoseUnderTheRedHood

5.
Cowboy boots only have one speed, mosey.
ramcannon

6.
oh my god your so drunk!
im not drunk.
can you tell the time?
looks at clock
Im not drunk!
classic.
Cheery689

7.
“You have a drinking problem”
“The only problem I have is I’m not drinking”
FN-2814

8.
Me after tossing my keys in the freezer before bed one night
“I can’t wait to see the look on sober me’s face tomorrow.”
txoutlaw89

9.
“The fact that I know I’m drunk is proof that I’m sober”
Taken from the anime Paprika
GanasbinTagap

10.
It’s none of my business what I do when I’m blacked out.
bcvickers

Image Credit: BUCK Studio/Corbis

11.
“Bro, what kinda pork is this, chicken or beef?”
dirkdiggler90

12.
Life’s a waste of time and time’s a waste of life, so lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our lives
mystigal

13.
Fruit loops are a lie. Every color tastes the same and we all live and die alone.
Omniaxle

14.
“To alcohol! The cause of – and solution to – all of life’s problems.”
Ted_Denslow

15.
Mommy doesn’t get drunk, mommy just has fun.
JordanStPatrick

16.
My sister and I were drinking. I eventually started talking about how much it su*ked being broke and I didn’t know how I was going to be able to pay the bills.
“You know what you need?” my sister wisely replied, “You need MONEY!”
And she was absolutely right. Having money WOULD solve me “I-don’t-have-money” problem.
MyNameIsNotRyn