1.
Let your date know you’re cultured by taking her to the symphony and saying “oh okay cool they’re doing it that way” when the oboes kick in
AndrewChamings
2.
your dating profile: i LOVE adventures
me: sounds like i’d have to do stuff. next–>
ch000ch
3.
date: you look upset
me: [thinking about how she just covered her fries in ketchup instead of putting it on the side] it’s nothing
CornOnTheGoblin
4.
[first date] are you mad at me?
bourgeoisalien
5.
*first date*
Guy: I like a girl who’s good with money
Me: the city will bury you for FREE if they can’t identify your body
SJSchauer
6.
Him: Let’s do it doggy-style
Me: I prefer catty-style
Him: oo what’s tha-
Me: *already pushing him off the bed*
IvoryGazelle
7.
*lights dim in restaurant*
DATE: did it just become sexier in here?
ME: I CAN’T SEE MY MENU
batkaren
8.
DATE: I love women that are extremely honest
ME: [winking seductively] You are wearing too much cologne & it’s giving me a headache
roxiqt
9.
date: i love your shoes!
me: ugh, these old things? they were free
date: take the compliment!
me: no like a kid stole them, threw them over a guard rail & they hit me on the head
date: what??
me: ya turns out they used to belong to some basketball star
date: this is ‘holes’
jillboard
10.
Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.
RobinMcCauley
11.
Date: I love car chase action scenes
Me, a fruit stand vendor: I think we’re done here
AbbieEvansXO
12.
[ikea date]
him: let’s go check out the beds ;)
me: *mouthful of meatballs* they sell furniture here?
girlnarly
13.
[me experimenting with dirty talk] Hey pal. You ok? You ok In there?
hellohappy_time
14.
DATE: I love playful women
ME: [dusting off an old porcelain doll in my purse & setting it on the table] Oh so you won’t mind that Cynthia joins us then-
roxiqt
15.
Date: why do you guard your plate every time the waiter walks past?
Me: *remembering the time he took it when I still had some ketchup left* we can’t trust this guy Brian
AbbieEvansXO
16.
(holding hands star gazing)
Her: Watcha thinkin’ about?
Me: *looks in her eyes* Potato chips.
RdrJay47
17.
date: do you like a little danger?
me: sure do. danger’s my middle name… unfortunately my first name’s stranger. and your mother probably warned you about me
girlnarly
18.
[date]
HER: I absolutely love Star Wars
ME: Oh me too
HER: What’s your favorite part?
ME: *nervously* Uh, when the stars go to war
dafloydsta
19.
dopegirlfresh
20.
dates 1-4: let me tell u about my extremely normal hobbies and interests
date 5: i don’t think the moon is real
bobvulfov
Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: journal.of.les, instagram