1.
Customers just asked me what perfume I've got on, didn't have the heart to tell her I'd febreze'd myself so I said it were Marc Jacobs ffs
— Holly (@hollbrown_) June 10, 2017
2.
physically, yes, i could fight a bird. but emotionally? imagine the toll
bittern
3.
Imagine Guy Fieri as Gatsby, and calling you “Pulled Pork” instead of “Old Sport.”
imagineguyfieri
4.
the modern masterpiece Juno taught teens that some doodles cannot be undid homeskillet pic.twitter.com/4rheoPS0KD
— junk (@gurrlswurld) August 9, 2017
5.
Why this monkey look like every girl I know studying abroad pic.twitter.com/RA7MqMSMfD
— Tori Harkin (@tori_harkin) August 5, 2017
6.
I can’t believe all blue-eyed people are descendents of reese witherspoon
lucillesballs
7.
These kids took my uniform and now they're taking out ad space to taunt me and the cops won't fucking do anything about it pic.twitter.com/iW9xkquEI5
— Branson Reese (@bransonreese) July 14, 2017
8.
I like how beavers always look like they're getting ready to share a really good joke pic.twitter.com/LkK3ME7NYh
— Lia (@annabel_lea) August 2, 2017
9.
Sure, that’s a good slogan for a jewelry brand pic.twitter.com/8lnAWHkUF8
— Margaret Lyons (@margeincharge) May 3, 2017
10.
i hate when old people say tattoos are a waste of money like debra you have an entire cabinet dedicated to expensive plates nobody is allowed to use
mellarkish
11.
donzo1234
12.
orlagartland
13.
decadenthumor
14.
Is this what private schools are like? pic.twitter.com/40vJsoz8Dg
— memes (@memeprovider) May 18, 2017
15.
twerkinterrorist
16.
Dunkirk (2017, dir. Christopher Nolan) pic.twitter.com/HJfToozs6E
— Nicholas Friedman (@NMFreed) August 9, 2017
17.
christinesydelko
18.
Hulk got his eyebrows threaded..new hair…nose job…contour kit…go off miss thang
kesus
19.
@AnnaKendrick47
20.
a centaur, but the human part is replaced with the front half of lightning mcqueen
bahookies
21.
Wife: Don't touch the deviled eggs in the fridge, they're for company.
— Steve vs Ninjas (@stevevsninjas) July 19, 2017
Me: pic.twitter.com/nuLg9GUvAb
22.
That answers that. pic.twitter.com/lgFV0ZjApr
— Mags L Halliday (@magslhalliday) August 7, 2017
23.
Me in the fitting room to make sure I have full mobility. pic.twitter.com/6n1Pv9qlQn
— Koala (@straddleyomind) April 18, 2017
24.
You fucking heard me. I said I want 13 fish sandwiches and don't forget the tartar sauce. pic.twitter.com/PF6QuehYLt
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) February 4, 2017