#1 Keep your car running smoothly!
Life hack: if ur car is making a weird noise, just turn up ur music really loud until it disappears.
proxactears / Via twitter.com

#2 Eat lunch for free!!
Step 1: Get an old briefcase
Step 2: Eat coworker’s lunch out of work fridge
Step 3: When coworker confronts you slam briefcase on table and say “I’ll give you $10k if you promise to never tell anyone about this”
Step 4: Ha! Coworker discovers you only put $5k in the briefcase
benhasissues / Via twitter.com

#3 Put a bee in your mouth!!!

octobermire / Via tumblr.com

#4 Meal prep for later!!!!
Tired of always boiling water for your pasta? Just boil a big load in the beginning of the week and freeze it for later use!
RichardGooner / Via twitter.com

#5 Find true love!!!!!
New tinder idea: upload all my photos upside down so girls turn their phone to look at them, obviously realise am ugly and swipe left but of course that’s now actually right bing bang boom match
human_dis4ster / Via twitter.com

#6 Get a new pet!!!!!!
Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home.
Home_Halfway / Via twitter.com

#7 Get some free ducks!!!!!!!
The elites don’t want you to know this but the ducks at the park are free you can take them home I have 458 ducks
weinerdog4life / Via twitter.com

#8 Commit the perfect crime!!!!!!!!

mrbmwhite / Via tumblr.com

#9 Make the perfect getaway!!!!!!!!!

carry-on-my-wayward-butt / Via tumblr.com

#10 Elude the cops!!!!!!!!!!

dutchster.net / Via tumblr.com

#11 Avoid mosquito bites!!!!!!!!!!!
When you see a mosquito land on you and begin to bite, laugh and ask “is it in yet?” It will ruin the mosquito’s confidence and it won’t be able to perform penetration
sivemortenlol / Via twitter.com

#12 Get a table at a busy restaurant!!!!!!!!!!!!
There weren’t any open tables at this sports bar so I yelled “Chad, you left your Jeep lights on!” and now I can sit wherever I want.
TheNardvark / Via twitter.com

#13 Avoid heartbreak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Marry someone u only kinda like so if u get a divorce it won’t be that bad
CaucasianJames / Via twitter.com

#14 Stay hydrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shocooldaikiri / Via tumblr.com

#15 Eat better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Worm eats dirt, bird eats worm, man eat bird. Notice that at each level of the food chain, about 90% of the energy is lost in the form of heat. We cut out the middle men. Join me, eating dirt, to become a being of pure energy.
sockvevo / Via twitter.com

#16 Get free furniture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only a FOOL would buy IKEA furniture. Instead I just download the instructions and keep emailing their service dept to say that I am missing a piece, until they ship me all the pieces over a six month period
jasonarewhy / Via twitter.com

#17 Stay safe in the forest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you’re being chased by an animal, just lay on the ground for 5 seconds. The 5 second rule will prevent the animal from eating you.
life_lamp / Via twitter.com

#18 Get a good deal on a funeral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*first date*
Guy: I like a girl who’s good with money
Me: the city will bury you for FREE if they can’t identify your body
SJSchauer / Via twitter.com

And just find a great bargain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

officialunitedstates / Via tumblr.com

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: proxactears / twitter.com