1.
I got a scholarship to NYU. Dad said “Of course. You have my brains”, Mom quipped “She must, I still have mine.”
@helenmaryme
2.
After arguing with my older sister over something pointless, my mom said, “I now understand why some animals eat their young.”
@adrunkteacher
3.
Me: “Mom, you’re invading my personal space’.
Mom: ‘Well you came out of my personal space.That makes us even”.
@WVandertie
4.
“If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me.”
@Diane46881440
5.
My mom said “Clean up! I’m sick of seeing your dirty room!” Her mom (my grandma) then yelled “Then close his damn door!”
@NickolasGarrett
6.
Be nice to your brother, you might need one of his kidneys one day
@cocogurl86
7.
My mom caught me and my brother looking at dirty magazine when we were kids and said “Yeah I use to look like that at one time.”
@KyleStephen
8.
Told my mom I expected a boyfriend and a new car for my birthday and she said “A Ken Doll and a Hotwheels, got it.”
@jordanmei
9.
Sister: why wouldn’t I survive the medieval times
Mom: no one did, they’re all dead
@dax_tnr
10.
“If i see B’s on your report youre not goingto prom”
*opens report and sees A’s*
“What the hell sam! Why are you such a nerd?!”
@samnoe06
11.
I’m single. My mom said “if you feel lonely, dim the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you’re alone anymore.”
@ashawnishing
12.
After calling me all of my 4 siblings’ names&the dog’s name, Mom tells me: You know who you are, I don’t have to, come over here!
@CMBrodniak
13.
If a boy is not smart enough to see your value, don’t be dumb enough to want him
@DilaurentisSaga
14.
“Your sister just started taking voodoo classes.” Mom telling me about my sister starting Zumba.
@boybrushedinred
15.
“You’re not listening. You better start listening to me, I might say something important one day”.
@brettjb13
16.
Mom (pointing to cousin): Look at her, taking another roofie
Me: Selfie?
Mom: Selfie, roofie, whatever
@GloriaFallon123
17.
Every time I show my mom a funny YouTube video she’s like ‘who is this?’. I don’t know mom just laugh and give me my phone back
@TommySailer
18.
My mom once apologized to somebody for butt dialing them by saying “sorry, that was a booty call”
@Normakel
19.
When I was freaking out about meeting someone famous for the first time: “Breathe. They poop and pee just like you”
@AshMSmitty
20.
I told my mom I made a new friend and she asked “animal or human?”
@anna_freel