1.
I remember when sleeping 4hrs a night would render me useless. Now after 4 straight hrs of sleep I feel like a rockstar
@jnoonium

2.
When did I last shower? What are real pants? I smell like milk.
@Kelly_lynn10

3.
A postpartum victory: I finally got around to shaving.
@LucyBlango

4.
Went somewhere without my baby for the first time. First thing I talked about when I got around people? My baby
@JeneShantel

5.
If I could choose between $10k and 8 hours consecutive sleep, I think I would take sleep.
@marydellhayes

6.
Torture is your baby sleeping soundly in their crib but you can’t sleep because you keep hearing phantom cries in your head.
@Kristie

7.
We have all the toys in the world but my kid only wants to eat a library book and pull on the radiator chain
@katlikesdesign

8.
First time out with just me and the baby. I doubt my car broke 14 mph.
@kortneyspaeth

9.
Baby is sleeping in his nursery for the first time tonight and I’m the one up all night. Obsessively watching the monitor.
@vickydapos

10.
And for my next trick, I’ll turn a perfectly dry shirt soaking wet at the sound of a baby’s cry.
@SonOfABeth

11.
I officially pee when I workout now
@ngallimore1230

12.
When it’s 7:30 pm and you realized you haven’t brushed your teeth, combed your hair or put on deodorant yet…
@brittany_kissel

13.
You know your a new mom when your google search history includes: “baby poop”, “baby spit up”, “is my baby eating enough?”
@shakenbaker3

14.
Literally just googled “what do I pack in a diaper bag?”…
@kaybaybay_27

15.
Yes small child, please continue to scream because it’s CLEARLY my fault you spit your pacifier on to the gross car floor.
@alleyjinx

16.
My night: when “don’t cry over spilled milk” is not just an idiom. I literally spilled milk that took lots of effort 2get
@thoughtflblonde

17.
I’ve gotten puked on 2x in the past 7 minutes.
@chefheatherwest

18.
I’m pretty sure post partum hair loss is simply a result of forgetting to take out your ponytail for 10 days & not hormones.
@jmcmqn