1.
How to be an adult:
-have no money
-buy things
-have less money
-buy more things
-wonder where the money is going
-repeat
@TechnicallyRon
2.
I’ll look at Instagram, close it, then immediately open it back up expecting new stuff. Like, theres no way our grandparents are proud of us
@robfee
3.
R u ever having like a nice chill night and then u decide to casually check up on someone via social media who ruined your life…
@mollysoda
4.
Me: Good night
Brain: So here’s what’s wrong
@charstarlene
5.
Me after saying no to mimosas at brunch once
@kyry5
6.
Me: I’m getting my life together once I get off the internet.
Narrator: It’s bullshit. She will, in fact, never get off the internet.
@Love_bug1016
7.
[checks Facebook & sees my 4th grade girlfriend has liked my hot chocolate recipe share]
ME: I knew she’d come crawling back to me one day
@AndyAsAdjective
8.
One day you’re not old and the next day you have a favorite grocery store.
@Contwixt
9.
Adulthood is mostly whispering
“For Fucks sake”
Every time the phone rings
@themrsik
10.
all i wanna do is
[gunshot noise x4]
[cash register noise x2]
get healthy, have a job i love, and be happy
@mrkoodge
11.
My only goal when getting ready to go out in public is to make sure a teenager doesn’t take a discreet picture of my outfit and meme me
@Mr_Kapowski
12.
i’m great!! i’m good i’m doing good hahaha. i mean “well” haha! haha i’m doing well, not good! haha i’m not doing good! im not doing so good
@tarashoe
13.
*gets asked anything relating to my future*
me:
@vivxvx
14.
HER: it’s so romantic when the power goes out
ME: listen if we don’t eat all this ground beef we’ll have to throw it out
@thenatewolf
15.
The best thing about working out and eating well is knowing that eventually I’ll be dead and won’t have to do this anymore
@bourgeoisalien
16.
my parents, at 27: married, with a kid
me, at 27: i prefer ordering pizza Online so i don’t have to ever interact with a human person
@alex_icon
17.
tween (explaining seriously): its called “family” because ur not my “fam” unless “ily.”
me (nodding and thinking about a donut) I see.
@aardvarsk
18.
1. Wear Fitbit
2. Pack gym clothes
3. Pack salad
4. Go to work
5. Eat donut
6. Go out for lunch
7. Skip gym
Rinse and Repeat.
@girlontapas
19.
Just walked by the place I had brunch last weekend and one of my friends is still sitting there talking about herself
@AmberTozer
20.
Getting older is just a slow parade of different body parts going “um, actually”
@aparnapkin
21.
drunk me: I’m tired
sober me: I’m tired
coffee me: I’m tired
cocaine me: I’m tired
on fire me: I’m tired
@ericsshadow