41. Parenting Pro Tip: BUY ALL THE TISSUES. @DadandBuried
42. Parenting tip: After your first child is born, go buy 20 years worth of poster board. This will save you countless 10:00 PM trips to CVS. @Cheeseboy22
43. Parenting tip: Don’t teach your kids to read so they’ll never know when you skip pages while reading to them. @Cheeseboy22
44. Parenting Tip: If your kid insists on wearing something stupid and then they feel stupid for wearing it, be sure to say I told you so. @Cheeseboy22
45. Parenting tip: Emphasizing the need to keep your children on a schedule makes it easier to say no when you get invited to stuff. @simoncholland
46. Parenting tip: Be sure to check your tailpipe for hidden Easter eggs. @Cheeseboy22
47. Parenting Pro Tip: If you can’t tell if they’re laughing or crying, play it safe and keep your distance. Add music, headphones, a blender. @LindaInDisguise
48. Parenting tip: Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they spend less time annoying you. @Cheeseboy22
49. Parenting tip: if you want to get your kids ready to leave the house faster, relentlessly song ‘All That Jazz’ in a Billie Holiday voice. @AnaGasteyer
50. Parenting tip: A good parent uses a variety of tones and intonations when yelling “Knock that off!” 48 times a day. @Cheeseboy22
51. Parenting Tip: chanting “Goblin King! Goblin King! Wherever u may be take this child of mine far away from me!” doesn’t work I already tried @juliasegal
52. Parenting tip: Cherish the day you buy your first minivan because that will be the last day it is ever clean. @Cheeseboy22
53. Parenting tip: do not let your four-year-old watch “Tangled” and leave her anywhere near scissors. @jenniferweiner
54. Parenting tip: Teach your kids that there are some places they should never pick money off the floor, no matter the denomination. @Cheeseboy22
55. Parenting tip: It’s important to show your kids how comfortable the couch is early in life so they aren’t constantly asking you to do stuff. @Cheeseboy22
56. Parenting Tip: Threatening to call Santa and tell him to put your kids on the naughty list is every parent’s right and privilege. @Cheeseboy22
57. Parenting tip: Add a new level of excitement to your child’s birthday party bounce house by throwing four live raccoons into the mix. @Cheeseboy22
58. Parenting Pro Tip: Never take a toddler’s word for it @DadandBuried
59. Parenting tip: if you’re questioning your stock even a little, just buy another bottle of ketchup. @ValeeGrrl
60. Parenting tip: When it comes to vaccinations, always trust the opinion of a former MTV game show host and Playboy playmate. @Cheeseboy22
61. Parenting tip: The pediatric dentist will not pre-drill holes for your infant’s teeth to grow into, no matter how much you need to sleep. @AndPlayDad
62. Parenting tip: Teach your kids some basic first aid by allowing them to bandage up the fingers you’ve blown off with fireworks. @Cheeseboy22
63. Parenting tip: tease your kids’ hair so at the very least they can be well-beehived. @curlycomedy
64. Kindergarten Parenting Tip: If you’re obviously hungover don’t walk your kids into their camp wearing a Fireball T-shirt @HermieHerm
65. Parenting tip: Don’t spend $ on pricey laxatives for your constipated kid. My kid proves splash pad enemas are free! @Cheeseboy22
