1.
My 4-year-old’s timeline for getting dressed:
7:00 AM: 0 socks on
7:08 AM: 1 sock on
7:38 AM: 2 socks on
7:39 AM: 1 sock on
@XplodingUnicorn

2.
My daughter just asked me why a pinecone isn’t shaped like a cone, and I had no choice but to fake a seizure.
@QwertyJones3

3.
My son was crying and asked, “why doesn’t the dog have to wear pants?” And it’s like, I don’t even know. So now I’m putting pants on a dog.
@TragicAllyHere

4.
I’m just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember cause my kid interrupted us 75 times.
@Lhlodder

5.
wife: Let’s fool around after the kids go to bed
narrator: But they never did fool around
@iwearaonesie

6.
Being a parent is making everything easier for your kids while your kids do the exact opposite for you.
@OneFunnyMummy

7.
“I want a snack.” – my kids, while they’re eating
@ashleyaustrew

8.
“There’s no school or work tomorrow, so you can sleep in,” I begged my 4-year-old.
@amydillon

9.
“DON’T YELL AT ME FROM ACROSS THE HOUSE, JUST COME TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED!!!” I scream from the couch in the living room.
@MyMomologue

10.
One of the hardest parts of teaching your kids to be independent is watching them tie their shoes for 8 minutes.
@simoncholland

11.
Husband: UGH that kid is JUST LIKE YOU.
Me: Wonderful?
H:
M: Charming?
H:
M: Light of your life?
H: [leaves room]
Me: [shouts] SUPER COOL?
@LetMeStart

12.
Toys need to be priced according to how long your child will actually play with them.
@mommy_cusses

13.
My toddler eats with her right hand but is ambidextrous when it comes to total destruction.
@TheCatWhisprer

14.
My 6 year old’s superpower is knowing he doesn’t like what we’re having for dinner 2 hours before I’ve even decided what I’m making.
@LurkAtHomeMom

15.
My 4 year old has been talking for 23 years
@Phook75

16.
Parenting multiple kids is mostly just trying to keep the awake ones quiet enough that the sleeping ones stay asleep.
@cray_at_home_ma

17.
Husband: So we’ve basically given up.
Me: On what?
H: *gestures to 4yo carefully piling spaghetti on his head*: Parenting.

@mompsychologist / Jfairone / Getty Images

18.
9: This sucks! I hate you! I wish you weren’t my parents!
wife on Facebook: 9 is doing the laundry! He’s such a good helper!
@iwearaonesie

19.
Take the road less traveled. Like, the one with the most mud, or the wettest grass, even if there’s a sidewalk nearby.
-Kids
@yenniwhite

20.
Me: “You’re going to bed in 5 minutes.”
6yo: *bends the laws of space and time to make 5 minutes last 4 hours*
@maughammom