#1
When my 10yo asks for something and I just give a huge sigh, she says “Yay!” because she knows she’s already won.
copymama / Via twitter.com

#2
Kid: My sandwich has too much peanut butter on it.
Me: *makes new sandwich*
Kid: This one has too little.
Me: *makes one just right*
Kid: I don’t like peanut butter anymore.
mommajessiec / Via twitter.com

#3
Hi, I’m a mom.
My hobbies include running late and yelling at my kids because we are running late.
TorturedByTots / Via twitter.com

#4
An exercise video for parents where all the lunges are just you going around the house picking up juice box straw wrappers.
RodLacroix / Via twitter.com

#5
[middle of church]
5-year-old: I have to go potty.
Me: Why didn’t you go before church?
5: I wasn’t bored then.
XplodingUnicorn / Via twitter.com

#6
You think you’re going to be this Mary Poppins type mom and before you know it you’re threatening to cancel Halloween in the middle of the grocery store.
Swishergirl24 / Via twitter.com

#7
Inventor of Legos: I’m a GENIUS!
Inventor of Legos, after having kids: I’m…OW!…an…OW!…IDIOT!…OWW!
HomeWithPeanut / Via twitter.com

#8
Different scented candles moms can burn so everyone can tell what mood they’re in like: Frazzle & Laundry Mold, No Fu*ks & Cleaning Everything With Baby Wipes, Stale Coffee & Bordering a Nervous Breakdown.
mommy_cusses / Via twitter.com

#9
60% of a parents diet is eating their child’s leftovers.
The other 40% is wine and coffee, depending on who you ask.
daddysdigest / Via twitter.com

#10
My childless friend told me I’m exaggerating the struggles of parenting. I’ve been calling her repeatedly since 5 AM to say hi. She’s picking me up soon and I’ve also got a pocket full of crackers for the floorboard of her car.
MaryJustice86 / Via twitter.com

#11
A real haunted house would have a bunch of kids following you around asking random questions and then asking why? right after you answer it, and toddlers randomly throwing tantrums.
BunAndLeggings / Via twitter.com

#12
Me: Why is your hair so tangled?
Daughter: Syrup
Me: Right
simoncholland / Via twitter.com

#13
If you open a candy bar wrapper in the middle of a forest with nobody around, how long until your children show up and ask what you’re eating?
mommajessiec / Via twitter.com

#14
Anytime a kid answers “Um” the next thing they say will be the opposite of what you want to hear
mom_ontherocks / Via twitter.com

#15
An unexpected benefit of being a parent is becoming great at fractions:
Me: Do it before I count down from 3!
3!
2!
1 and a half!
1 and 2 fifths!
1 and 3 twentieths!
1 and 7 hundredths!
1 and 11 two thousandths!
I really show the kids who the expert is.
threetimedaddy / Via twitter.com

#16
I just tore off the top of a fruit gummy packet with my teeth like a soldier pulling a pin out of a grenade. Then I threw it across the room to my kid and hid in the bathroom.
If you think this sounds weird, you probably don’t have kids.
stayathomies / Via twitter.com

#17
Everyone is tired and hungry and crying
- an after school special
PedersenAhmed / Via twitter.com

#18
I can’t tell if this is my kid’s class roster or a list of the Instagram filters
KateWouldHaveIt / Via twitter.com

#19
*Tiptoes up behind a burglar robbing our house and sneaks 10 of my kids’ stuffed animals into his bag*
copymama / Via twitter.com

#20
There are two types of zombie
1. The undead
2. Parents
DaddyGrownup / Via twitter.com

#21
7-year-old: What’s for dinner?
Me: I’ll tell you if you promise not to complain.
7: *walks away*
XplodingUnicorn / Via twitter.com

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: daddysdigest / twitter.com