1.
Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose football. Choose being Chelsea's new backup central defender. pic.twitter.com/CbOsPa0xO3
— David Jack (@DamJef) August 20, 2017
2.
At what age do you stop pulling leaves off bushes when you're walking? Asking for a mate
— b.b (@Benoo_Brown) August 13, 2017
3.
Mum has been asked to make canapés for a WI party. There is no theme. She has made: pic.twitter.com/2cpib5CmyY
— Samuel Pangolins (@samuelpalin) August 21, 2017
4.
Member the days when ur dads mysterious pal could get u a shitey dvd copy of a film that wasnt due to come out for abt 3 years
— umbypumby (@rachelcarroll12) August 15, 2017
5.
How British is that headline? pic.twitter.com/P0c5ZViqWI
— John Dobson (@johnnydobbo) August 19, 2017
6.
Do not understand how people can sleep with the buttoned side of the covers at the top weird behaviour
— Eve Murray (@evemurrray) August 15, 2017
7.
Imagine a night out with this mental bastard. pic.twitter.com/Z59fWNlpFu
— Mondo Trasho (@moi_cheree) August 21, 2017
8.
May go barefoot to collect results so people ask where my shoes are instead of what did I get
— Ben grainger (@Bengrainger3) August 16, 2017
9.
When u check ur online banking after a fat sesh pic.twitter.com/uDPVeDlJFb
— ryan (@rgoddard97) August 19, 2017
10.
Was just at the bank n a wee old wife says to me "could ye check ma balance son" so a pushed her
— Sandy Inch (@sandyinch1) August 12, 2017
11.
Excellent advice Primark! pic.twitter.com/SWsDXWy6Pk
— Matt Bloom (@MattBloomFilms) August 19, 2017
12.
HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHA pic.twitter.com/3UKjjdC8vH
— Prior (@Poshboy97) August 22, 2017
13.
When you overhype your twitter bio pic.twitter.com/fTqunzdb62
— Jessica Stanley (@dailydoseofjess) August 14, 2017
14.
Are u even at work if u and your work pals don't say 'i can't be arsed' every single time you walk past each over
— Drew Todd (@dreewtoddx) August 13, 2017
15.
I love how this dog looks at this egg, like he's learned absolutely nothing. pic.twitter.com/SgXGa4XBtr
— Steve Hogarty (@misterbrilliant) August 19, 2017
16.
Surely no pic.twitter.com/aIaVO1LQFB
— Katie Gold (@_katiegold_xo) August 20, 2017
17.
Man said "win or lose, we're on the booze" on live tv after getting bad results pic.twitter.com/V8v84QE9rz
— LXWKEY (@LowkeyMo_) August 17, 2017
18.
When you think you may have had an allergic reaction to the lobster bisque but you don't want to make a fuss & interrupt the awards ceremony pic.twitter.com/eLDWJwBx6D
— Boothby Graffoe (@boobygraffoe) August 22, 2017
19.
That's absolutely uncanny to be fair pic.twitter.com/MiXESzDOGU
— pummeled grunvis (@gocketreen) August 19, 2017
20.
When you lie on your CV but still get the job. pic.twitter.com/Sb81x1NJjh
— Ollie Garch (@ojedge) July 19, 2017
21.
The shameful legacy of Bullseye continues to blight our streets. pic.twitter.com/l4cYb6kYtD
— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) August 14, 2017
22.
Playing Tame Impala while watching the dressage is a lot more entertaining pic.twitter.com/ERLL9NBLUq
— Prior (@Poshboy97) August 15, 2016
23.
We keep being told Welsh is uselss. Well, guess my password, motherfuckers. pic.twitter.com/dGcvuj4Bal
— Geraint Morgan (@Geraintmogs) August 17, 2017
24.
“Don’t cry, Karen. My lawyer says we'll beat these charges. They got nothing on me. Kiss the kids. Keep strong.” pic.twitter.com/aUsNppmvje
— SimonNRicketts (@SimonNRicketts) August 7, 2017
25.
Dropped my phone in the middle of a video on a night out. pic.twitter.com/2ty4LG4sLa
— David Risager (@David_Risager) August 18, 2017
26.
Always surprises me how many sheep are into paintball. pic.twitter.com/cJEzjbU8Tj
— Bacardi Oakheart (@Midgetgems26) August 12, 2017
27.
"This vegan curry looks tasty, and I like how it has pictures of the ingred… is that a fucking shoe?" pic.twitter.com/UoiTG44M5F
— Sebas (@OhLookBirdies) August 20, 2017