1.
Me: Excuse me sir, what's your Wi-Fi password?
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) June 14, 2014
Him: *[Leans in] *[Whispers angrily]
THIS IS A FUNERAL
Me: *[Types in]
THIS IS A FUNERAL
2.
im VERY laid back. i only care about 2 things:
— a lost fish (@grumbist) September 14, 2015
every person on earth & their opinion of me
the crushing psychological weight of being alive
3.
My parrot died today. Its last words were, "Fuck, I think my parrot is about to die."
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 13, 2016
4.
Having a crush on someone is so exciting. You know you'll end up ruining things like you always do, but how? The possibilities are endless.
— Bdell (@Bdell1014) November 30, 2016
5.
this is the best screensaver cos whenever i get a notification, Kanye holds it up for me pic.twitter.com/W3bpDt82MA
— mb (@michaellbutlerr) September 29, 2016
6.
when you get interrupted while telling your grandkids a story about 2016 pic.twitter.com/WRI9EaboHM
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) December 8, 2016
7.
THIS MF EAT SOMEBODY EVERYBODY GONNA BE "IM SHOCKED!! HE WAS SO QUIET REALLY NICE & KEPT TO HIMSELF, HONOR STUDENT" pic.twitter.com/IdAI9NGSFy
— THE KID MERO (@THEKIDMERO) June 15, 2016
8.
now i can smell my dad leaving every day pic.twitter.com/5Pp6KR9ILy
— tom harlock (@tom_harlock) December 5, 2016
9.
Me: have a nice day sir
— rudy mustang (@roostermustache) March 29, 2016
*guy leaves store, gets hit by car crossing street*
*i run out, kneel beside him* what did I just fucken tell you
10.
me deleting my sad tweets pic.twitter.com/3SU0un3uto
— psipsina (@hypogirl5000) November 20, 2016
11.
friend: how are things?
— keely flaherty (@flahertykeely) August 25, 2016
me: things are good!
narrator: things were not good
12.
We should've died in 2012 when we had the chance
— memes (@memeprovider) November 9, 2016
13.
Everyone: 2016 could not possibly get worse
— Alex Naidus (@hotdoorknobs) December 17, 2016
Me: *dies in a car crash while my Uber driver is literally DJing* pic.twitter.com/bapZrGhLzP
14.
When you're failing 7 out of 5 classes and you're trying to act like everything's fine pic.twitter.com/BBwhBS8E8a
— Momoney (@allhailmonae) October 20, 2016
15.
When your pharmacist actually wants you to die. pic.twitter.com/Sh5uMNrxZp
— DocHoHoHo-ckenbush (@DocHackenbush) September 6, 2016
16.
When you know this unusually warm weather in October is due to global warming and climate change but you still kinda enjoying it. pic.twitter.com/qGwWQXvSt2
— ur local black girl. (@ReinaDeAfrica_) October 19, 2016
17.
Autocorrect saved my job again pic.twitter.com/NHEfpCF2RL
— Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) June 27, 2016
18.
MUGGER: GIVE ME YOUR PURSE OR I'LL SHOOT YOU
— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) February 24, 2015
ME: *realize I won't have to pay student loans back if I'm dead*
MUGGER: ???
ME: I'm thinking.
19.
Mental what a couple a fairy lights can do, ye could put them on a deed body n id be like omg that's fucking lovely get that on ma Instagram
— Paul Black (@paulbIack) September 14, 2016
20.
Anne Hathaway holding a knife and laughing is my 2016 mood. pic.twitter.com/mSI1JpNkRT
— Anthony Thomas (@AntTM93) December 7, 2016