1.
SCARY COSTUME IDEAS
— kaye toal (@ohkayewhatever) October 26, 2015
1. Student loan debt
2. Calling the doctor yourself
3. Overdrawn bank balance
4. Text saying "Can we talk?"
5. Spider
2.
my favorite pizza topping is a second pizza flipped over and placed on top
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) November 17, 2016
3.
Love it when they get my name right pic.twitter.com/cgxeWZG9Iw
— Tim Platt (@TimothyPlatt) September 30, 2015
4.
Actually I think this town is big enough to accommodate the two of us comfortably, but if I make you uncomfortable I don't mind leaving.
— RobSpenser (@TheCrob) November 6, 2016
5.
Some people* just want to watch the world burn.
— Ben Rosen (@Rosen) December 26, 2015
* I pic.twitter.com/GRGZHIERF1
6.
how many kermits had to die just so our company could have these chairs? pic.twitter.com/Vs6T1x4kF5
— Andrew Cushing (@aecushing) March 15, 2016
7.
"You're a grand old flag/you're a high flying flag" sounds like the lyrics of someone quickly running out of things to say about a flag.
— Tim Unkenho-ho-holz (@timunken) August 15, 2015
8.
I just learned today that "Don Quixote" is not "Donkey Oatie" and it's a classic novel, not a character from an old kid's show I never saw.
— Mandy Caruso (@isolatte) September 17, 2014
9.
I just tried to buy a self-help book and my credit card was declined.
— Jana Pollack (@TinyJana) June 28, 2016
10.
But what if my myway Involves the highway?… :/
— Daniel Cramer (@dcramez) July 23, 2016
11.
when ur in 6th grade but also run a large software company in the 1980s pic.twitter.com/ykQIf3OsWf
— Casey Cline (@casey_cline) September 17, 2015
12.
when you've been extra since pre-k 3 pic.twitter.com/5pRxLLIJy4
— kyle (@ky1edavis) September 17, 2016
13.
I'm pretty happy, but I'm not "girl discovers her dress has pockets" happy.
— Feelin Randy (@randyreiman) February 9, 2015
14.
We really need a superhero to fix the world right now…
— Justin (@goodonejustin) July 15, 2016
…
…
…
[spends 4 hrs searching Amazon for "spandex body suit", falls asleep]
15.
A supercut of every time a vegetarian says "I can just get sides"
— Rekha PRANKar (@rekhalshankar) January 4, 2016
16.
FaceTiming with my parents like pic.twitter.com/cieO8WHMM9
— Ashley (@ohnoashleycat) October 1, 2016
17.
HARRY: I'm a what?
— Matt Starr (@matthewsstarr) October 12, 2016
HAGRID: You're a Connick Jr., Harry.
18.
What if we just called babies "new people"
— Jana Pollack (@TinyJana) December 31, 2014
19.
"
— Ben Rosen (@Rosen) October 13, 2016
" – Charlie Chaplan
20.
this thing in one of our conference rooms looks like it got a bad gift but is still trying to look grateful pic.twitter.com/xM6ENR9mLU
— Andrew Cushing (@aecushing) February 24, 2016
21.
I'm really fun on Gchat. pic.twitter.com/3OsYZx8nI9
— Jason Sweeten (@jason_sweeten) February 18, 2016
22.
If I were single, I'd move to the San Francisco Bae Area, like, immediately.
— Patrick Baker (@ItsPatrickBaker) June 9, 2015
23.
new phone… who am I
— Ben Cohen (@UniqueDude2) November 15, 2016
24.
This bar is so loud, I can barely hear myself thinkpiece.
— Meghan Ross (@MeghanRRoss) July 17, 2016
25.
We really need a superhero to fix the world right now…
— Justin (@goodonejustin) July 15, 2016
…
…
…
[spends 4 hrs searching Amazon for "spandex body suit", falls asleep]