1.
jesus: what do people call the day i was crucified
me: good friday. we call it “good friday”
jesus: what the fuck
@sageboggs
2.
[last supper]
Jesus: *raising chalice* let us sup
Judas: what’s sup?
Jesus: Not much what’s up with you lmao
Judas: this is the last straw
@DanMentos
3.
‘Jesus’ comes from a shortening of the Hebrew version of the name Joshua, while ‘Christ’ simply means ‘the anointed one.’ To make this clearer to modern Christians, I propose a new Bible translation where Jesus is referred to only as “oily Josh”
meaninglessmonicker
4.
[in heaven after crucifixion]
jesus: “they were horrible dad, im pleased im not going back there”
god: [rubbing his neck] “see the thing is”
@KeetPotato
5.
Judas: still on for Friday?
Jesus: Friday?
Judas: yeah, the last supper
Jesus: the what?
Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas
@david8hughes
6.
okay so we know about jesus when he’s a baby, and jesus when he’s an adult, but does the bible ever mention his rebellious teenager years?
‘jesus, go feed the donkey.’
‘yOU’RE NOT MY REAL FATHER’
jeffersonstarshipshavethetardis
the ground shakes a little, and a voice comes down from the sky
‘do what your stepfather says you little shit’
onoasa
7.
jesus *holding up loaf of bread*: This is my body.
judas, who was secretly 27 ducks in a trench coat: *shuffles excitedly*
setheverman
8.
Wait what do you mean Jesus loves me? Did he say something to you? OMG I’m freaking out right now tell me his exact words.
@primawesome
9.
Not really how I imagined the second coming
@sturrfridge
10.
My mum asked me what im doing for easter. I said same as jesus, going out Friday coming back Monday
@mullen_elliot
11.
when i was little i thought jesus was a chicken strip because in one christmas song it said he was tender and mild. you know what else is tender and mild? a chicken strip
that-nintendo-guy
12.
did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit daftpostpunk
he used praypal bones-and-bricks
God dammit sher-lover
13.
when jesus is born I get presents
when jesus dies I get chocolate
I love jesus
stephdamen
14.
Teenage Jesus watches as his friends swim and frolic in the pond and pouts as he sits on top of the water with his arms crossed
fartgallery
15.
Jesus: Table for 26 please.
Maitre’d: There’s only 13 of you.
Jesus: But we’re all going to sit on the same side.
@samkalidi
16.
[Jesus at Last Supper]
*breaks bread* This is my body
*pours wine* This is my blood
*opens jar of mayo*
Judas: I’m gonna stop u right there
@huntigula
17.
JESUS: I shall turn water to wine
JUDAS: Actually wine is 85% water so that’s only 15% miracle
JESUS: This is literally the WORST betrayal
@daemonic3
18.
[Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper]
“Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?”
@david8hughes
19.
oh sweet jesus
oh sour jesus
oh BBQ jesus
oh cool ranch jesus
oh doritos locos tacos jesus
indoorplantmom
20.
Zaptagious