1. This fashionable fib
[company meeting]
Manager: $5000 in office supplies have gone missing. We are making some changes.
Me: [in paper clip chainmail, sweating]
@RobertManchild
2. This dating faux pas
[on a date]
I’ve got butterflies in my stomach
“that’s so cute. You dont have to be nervous”
[flashback to me eating some butterflies] ok
@SteveSuckington
3. This definite truth
Policeman: Name please?
Woman: Cheryl Cole
Policeman: Your FULL name
Woman: (quietly) Chernobyl Coleslaw
@trouteyes
4. This political fabrication
Obama: you told him Nigel Farage was British Foreign Secretary didn’t you?
Biden:
Obama: Joe
@KatieCurtis
5. This genius idea
If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to fuck with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
@GuyEndoreKaiser
6. This absolute work of art
my mom writes my little brothers teacher a note and he brings it back home the next day and says she wrote this
@Brittanyr7513
7. This relatable lie
Barber could staple a pic ae yer maw gettin shagged tae yer heed but when he holds up that wee mirror you’d still be like ideal mate cheers
@Goudie15
8. This outlandish statement
Barista: Name?
Me: Lotta Sexhaver *wink*
*Time passes*
Barista: Got a latte for Virgin McLiar
@AnOrangeSNES
9. This John West myth
john west yer a fuckin liar that’s well hard
@Butsay_
10. This giant overreaction
When someone tells you a secret that you’ve lowkey been knowing but you have to act surprised
@FreddyAmazin
11. These imaginary pups
FAKE BREEDS I’VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian
@KarenKilgariff
12. This vital lie to yourself
Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M’s because let’s be honest here.
@KateWhineHall
13. This actual exposé
My mother is out here lying on Facebook. My nephew speaks in Power Ranger quotes, he ain’t say none of this.
@BallsofGlory
14. This timely truth
I don’t understand why New Years Eve is such a big deal.
I get drunk and tell myself lies all the time. Who needs a special day for that?
@One_FineMess
15. This delayed truth
A friend and I just decided that in 10 years if we aren’t married we will tell each other what’s honestly wrong about ourselves.
@NickBossRoss
16. This brutal self burn
Ladies call me Subway because I’ve got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches
@mattytalks
17. This miracle
Park Ranger: *Looking at morbidly obese ducks* Was this you?
Jesus: *trying to hide the rapidly multiplying bread loaves* No sir
@MarfSalvador
18. This poor grasp on literature
[sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye]
“Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye.”
@david8hughes
19. This honest compliment
-I can’t stand liars and fakes
-You are so pretty
-See? Why can’t everyone be honest like you
@Sanbel11
20. This universal denial
People be surprised when I tell em I have a 4.0 GPA while working & maintaining an active social life, but anything is possible when you lie
@davidboomin