1.
When a friend asks me when was the last time I got laid pic.twitter.com/MozkY2tERT
— Tsume (@TsumeAlphaWolf) February 23, 2016
2.
i finished my christmas list i can’t wait
• $ 1,000,000 in cash
• boyfriend
• the souls of those who have displeased me this year
• another boyfriend in case my other one escapes
• money
languageoclock
3.
*walks up to microphone during wedding reception*
— Aimee Helene (@AimeeHelene1) July 25, 2015
*taps on mic; everyone smiles*
"Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"
4.
Dating Tips
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) October 29, 2013
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Please. I am 36 and live with 2 guinea pigs.
5.
ME: im sick of being single
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) November 19, 2015
FRIEND: want me to set u up with someone?
ME: absolutely not, i'd have to put on pants & talk. no thank u
6.
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
annmariexrose
7.
*someone flirts with me*
me,10 years later: OH SHIT were they flirting with me??!?!?
catee
8.
flirting with your crush like
stability
9.
'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
— Sasshole (@RidiculousSheri) May 26, 2014
10.
IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER
YOU GOTTA tell me really explicitly because I can’t tell when people are actually flirting with me
asstroslut
11.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant
— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) November 5, 2012
12.
“how lonely are you?”
me:
samemesung
13.
A picture has never summed me up so much
wtfishappeninnn
14.
Work crushes
Him: Do you mind ringing those customers up?
Me: I’ll ring you up ;)
Him: What
Me: What
Customers: What
victoriouskrum
15.
Me: why is everyone together and I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend
Also me: declines every date, takes 3-5 business days to reply to messages, never smiles, cannot parallel park
1sassy_southerner
16.
Reasons why I am single..
itsagifnotagif
17.
maybe this year ill find a boyfriend [audience laughs in the background]
misumipyon
18.
When people ask why I'm single pic.twitter.com/ioJSIHOvyB
— Cam Salamone (@whamitscam) September 17, 2016
19.
normal people flirting: hey you're cute we should go out sometime (;
— what (@chanelpuke) November 9, 2013
me trying to flirt: so do you like bread
20.
Valentine's Day really separates the men from the boys, and then separates me from both of them in a third location
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 15, 2015
21.
[me as a DJ]
— Jennathan (@Jennuflect) September 18, 2015
Where my single ladies at?
*drunk responses*
This one's for you
*turns off music, serious tone*
This is a bad place to meet men
22.
When I think about why I'm single pic.twitter.com/XGCrXAe54g
— Loco Coco (@TacoKingCoco) September 23, 2015
23.
Being single is the best. So much time to do what you want. Think and reflect. Stare into the void and try to remember what touch felt like.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 1, 2016
24.
*gets into a relationship*
— Hippo (@InternetHippo) May 26, 2015
This is bad
*becomes single*
Hmm this is bad too
*looks in a mirror*
Oh I see the problem now
25.
me, lonely as shit: i’m lonely as shit
anyone: hey do you want to hang out m-
me, exhausted suddenly: no
thebestoftumbling
26.
When people ask about my love life
memesforbreakfast
27.
Me before a date: don't dress weird, don't act weird, don't say anything weird.
— Michael Tiberi (@MichaelJTiberi) August 10, 2016
Me showing up to that date: pic.twitter.com/kgvDIP3pJX
28.
ashleys.co
29.
I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats
— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) September 3, 2015
30.
me in the future
pinterest.com
31.
me: I want a relationship!!
— Kala (@kala5000) February 7, 2017
someone: hi I'd like a relationship with you
me: pic.twitter.com/SyM41Z6COi