1.
Pizza burned the inside of my mouth and I don’t really understand why the things I love keep hurting me.
@CauseWereGuys
2.
Me: can I have an extra large pizza
Server: sure what would you like on the pizza
Me [after thinking hard for 10 mins]: an even bigger pizza
@david8hughes
3.
‘The Titanic sank with approximately 3000 pounds of garlic bread on board’
Me:
@tbhjuststop
4.
“all of the good ones are taken,” i sigh, staring at the near-empty donut racks
@Tenacious_Ken
5.
WAITER: Toppings on your pizza?
“Another pizza”
And on that pizza?
“Another pizza”
[4 hours later]
“Another pizza”
PLEASE LET ME GO
@Reverend_Scott
6.
So they won’t show sex on TV but showing a hot pizza slice slowly being lifted up is just fine.
@Chelsea_Elle
7.
Me: everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect that.
Someone: I don’t like pasta.
Me:
@sowfiee_
8.
[Stares deeply into date's eyes before going to the bathroom]
“I’ve counted these fries.”
@thatdutchperson
9.
I’m on a low carb diet, when I’m low on carbs I want to die
@davedittell
10.
BREAD IS SO VERSATILE LIKE YOU CAN TOAST IT OR REGULAR IT DAM SHOUT OUT TO BREAD
@Bill_Nye_Tho
11.
“this is your résumé?”
ya
“a piece of garlic bread?”
yep
“can-can i have it?”
yes
“you’re hired”
@OBiiieeee
12.
‘Carbs are bad for you’
Me:
@tbhjuststop
13.
Have you tried carbs for that?
Me, about pretty much anything, really
@QueenofSparta
14.
When I die smother me in garlic butter and toast me under the grilllllll mmmmm I fucking love garlic bread
@Natasha_wills
15.
i prefer 6O9 where you are both curled up around a big pizza
@zoebread
16.
How I cut carbs.
@GuyCodeBook
17.
*walks up to microphone during wedding reception*
*taps on mic; everyone smiles*
“Anyone that doesn’t want their cake, pass it to me please”
@AimeeHelene1
18.
I’m really bad at portioning uncooked pasta…so if you and 110 of your friends wanna come over, dinner is ready.
@BlackCatBettie
19.
i know a guy who loves saying “best thing since sliced bread” and i imagine hes always at a grocery store lookin at bread and just losing it
@jonnysun