1.
my only New Years resolution is to not spend money on food I honestly might be rich by 2017
— Bitch Problem (@FemaleTexts) December 24, 2016
2.
Age 15: someday I'm going to own a Ferrari
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) September 9, 2015
Age 20: maybe I'll get a BMW someday
Age 25: I hope someone in a Mercedes hits me in a crosswalk
3.
i once saw a pigeon on the subway & it got off at the financial distribct & all i coud think was "cool. that bird makes more money than me"
— jomny sun, authoer (@jonnysun) March 1, 2016
4.
"Hello darkness my old friend."
— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) November 22, 2015
Darkness: I'm not lending you any money.
5.
when u realize u can't afford ur life style . when ur gonna keep goin anyway pic.twitter.com/QU9UomzE6g
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 10, 2016
6.
MUGGER: GIVE ME YOUR PURSE OR I'LL SHOOT YOU
— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) February 24, 2015
ME: *realize I won't have to pay student loans back if I'm dead*
MUGGER: ???
ME: I'm thinking.
7.
as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money
— Laura G. (@lgbk44) March 20, 2016
8.
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
— Periwinkle Jones (@peachesanscream) February 16, 2015
9.
me: doesn't check bank account for weeks
— Common White Girl (@girlposts) June 9, 2016
also me: "not sure how much is on this, but let's just see if it works" pic.twitter.com/o2tyA9iew0
10.
when ur relative offers u money and u pretend like u cant take it at first pic.twitter.com/X69fGwpMas
— i luv jordan fan acc (@sassycxss) October 20, 2015
11.
visualization of my bank account right now pic.twitter.com/t2wTEJFOFR
— sophia white (@sophiamaws) April 13, 2016
12.
Doctor: show me where it hurts.
— (@Sassafrantz) March 24, 2016
[shows him my bank account balance]
13.
Age 20: in 5 years I'm going to own a benz and have my house paid off.
— Jonwayne (@jonwayne) February 15, 2016
Age 25: you know what, Patricia? Make that TWO mexican pizzas.
14.
If I have $100 cash in my pocket in the morning, even if I don't go anywhere or spend any money, at the end of the day I'll have $7 dollars
— Yassir Lester (@Yassir_Lester) August 22, 2015
15.
"Work until your bank account looks like a phone number"
— Puns (@TheFunnyWorId) November 4, 2016
Well… pic.twitter.com/z78lneGJgv
16.
Hey now
— fucken oll (@dulcetry) January 8, 2016
Youre a coinstar
Put your dimes on
this plaaate
Hey now
Get your swear jar
check your car for
loose chaaange
& all i eat's McDonalds
17.
Me to me: 'STOP SPENDING MONEY!' pic.twitter.com/pioavaajN5
— b.b (@Benoo_Brown) October 16, 2016
18.
Me: [repeatedly tries to type "motherlode" in the ATM]
— meatball sugar (@slodwick) July 31, 2015
19.
me: i wanna show you the world
— CBS (@ClaeBrown) November 21, 2016
*looks at bank account*
me: i wanna show you the block
20.
you: a 'homeowner' hundreds of grand in debt
— Lucy Valentine (@LucyXIV) December 18, 2016
me: a ps4 and lava lamp owner, no debt, furniture I found on the side of the road
21.
me trying to figure out where all my money went: maybe if i hadnt bought that 89 cent dipping sauce in 2007..
— Gertrude (@nihilmutationis) February 8, 2016
22.
dry january, yeh right the only thing that has been dry the whole of january is my bank account
— jord (@jordangarl5nd) January 18, 2016