1. Me: “I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for this”
Me to me: “Overreact.” @jola_jade

2. Me: no more shots man I’m fucked up
Me to me: didn’t know you was a bitch @YourFavTweeter_

3. Me: he apologized. I should just say okay & let it go.
Other me: bring up that thing that pissed you off 3 weeks ago too. Finish him. @BreaSimone

4. me: sees a fluffy dog
me to me: steal him @aaannnnyyyyaaaa

5. Me: *sleeps late*
Me to me before class: Skip it @PinkMiruku

6. me: this is going to be a great week! my skin glowing! i’m confident! my grades will prosper!
me to me: your mental health is trash @commonwokegirl

7. Me – she’s obviously upset with me, I should call and ask why
Also – That would be wise… but..listen…shhhhhhh..listen… that ain’t us @LeanandCuisine

8. me: “oh still damp! I’ll take my twists down tomorrow when they’re fully dry. don’t want frizz!”
also me: “take them down right now.” @blakgirlprobs

9. Me: damn lemme wake up for class
Also me: hit snooze fam you know attendance 5% go ahead and treat yourself @Your___Dreams

10. *Washes hands*
ME: Damn she’s out of paper towels.
ME to ME: Fam, look at those decorative towels hanging there though… @Rory_Breaker_

11. Me: “I’m not even that hungry. Plus, I need to save money, I’m broke.”
Me to me: “you’re starving” @FreddyAmazin

12. Me: I’m glad I’m saving money
Me to me: Now spend all of it @kenihanas

13. Me – “She’s clearly mad so you should call her and ask what’s bothering her.”
Me to me – “Just text her ‘What you mean?’ and play more 2K.” @DeionGottaSTFU

14. *On Thanksgiving*
Me: “I ate 2 plates. I can’t eat anymore”
Me to me: “shut up & go get some more macaroni before it’s all gone” @pettyblackgirI

15. *ice accidentally drops in kitchen*
Me to me: kick it under the fridge @RiceBag94

16. *Gets a piece of bread *
Me to me: “Now close it without the twist tie.” @DivineMinded

17. Me: I’m getting up at 5:30 AM to go to the gym
Me at 5:30 AM: You’ve been pulling niggas with this same body for years @_RobinGood

18. Me: I’m only meeting him to chill
Me to me: shave your pussy just incase @adetasie

19. Me: I know he’s not cheating rn cause he’s with me
Me to me: unless… a clone…? @cakefacedcutie

20. Me: “I actually like this girl, I might make it official”
Also me: “Play her, before she plays you” @NeckAhhAquarius

21. me: but thats none of my business
me to me: make it ur business @jonnysun

22. Me: She sent a long paragraph, i proper upset her.
Me to me: Tell her “what do you mean”. @AYoungIvz

23. me: damn, i have a lot of homework
me to me: no you don’t @YungSnapple

24. “She’s a really nice girl, I wanna see where this goes.”
“Smash and dip”
“But she….”
“SMASH……N……DIP” @ChillJordan

25. me: I’m going to be more social, go out with friends, and enjoy life
also me: alienate all your friends because they secretly hate you @glow_for_it

26. Me: “I really click with this girl, she’s funny too. I’m not tryna mess this up”
Me to me: “dm her friend.” @MannyEuphoria_