#1 On the American Dream:
The millennial version of 2.5 kids and a picket fence is six houseplants and no roommate
tinygorgon / Via twitter.com

#2 On Dating:
millennial dating
u: hey wyd wednesday
them: working to survive. wyd saturday
u: being tired from working to survive then laundry
them: nice
jaboukie / Via twitter.com

#3 On accomplishments:
By the time you’re in your 20’s you should have a:
-job you’re underpaid at
-anti depressant prescription
-Conspiracy theory you unironically believe
-sense of impending existential dread
EwdatsGROSS / Via twitter.com

#4 On budgeting:
Tips for Millennials to save money:

1) Don’t eat
2) Live in your car
3) Don’t drive anywhere, sell the car
4) Your only entertainment should be watching your own tears drip down your face into your bowl of ramen
5) Die as soon as possible if you get sick
nyhcmaven84 / Via twitter.com

#5 On parenting:

goodqueensansa / Via twitter.com

#6 On the economy:

GenePark / Via twitter.com

#7 On business:
FOR REAL THOUGH IF MILLENNIALS HAD THE POWER TO KILL ENTIRE INDUSTRIES DO YOU REALLY THINK WE’D BE LIKE “LOL MAYONNAISE IS DONE BUT THE STUDENT LOAN INDUSTRY CAN STAY”
SICKOFWOLVES / Via twitter.com

#8 On coffee:
Maybe millennials wouldn’t spend so much money on coffee if we could produce serotonin
pant_leg / Via twitter.com

#9 On mental health:
Boomers: I heard she went to *looks around nervously* *whispers* ᵀʰᵉʳᵃᵖʸ
Millennials/Gen Z: LMAOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT MY THERAPIST TOLD ME TODAY
jordylancaster / Via twitter.com

#10 On phone calls:
how I, a millennial, filter spam calls:
-if my phone rings, it’s spam
Raelet / Via twitter.com

#11 On greetings:
How millennials greet each other:
Millennial 1. How have you been?
Millennial 2. Meh. I’m not dead so I guess I’m okay. How about you?
Millennial 1. Same. Same.
Both: *sits in morbid silence for 5 seconds*
sanitythief / Via twitter.com

#12 On entitlement:
As a millennial I agree that we’re too entitled like, boohoo I can’t afford rent without 2-6 roommates, waaah I haven’t been the dentist in 7yrs, ack I’m so sad I can’t seriously heal from my childhood trauma bc the copay for regular therapy appts are so high. I mean the nerve??
adult_mom / Via twitter.com

#13 On work ethic:

kenklippenstein / Via twitter.com

#14 On jobs:
Millennial Job Descriptions Be like:

-must be fluent in excel, photoshop, copywriting, Spanish, English, Klingon, and Chinese
-office keg!!
-free snacks!!
-must have 3-8 years experience
-bachelor’s degree accepted, master’s preferred
- good vibes only!!!
Pay: $15/hr
EwdatsGROSS / Via twitter.com

#15 On applying to those jobs:
“hey just following up”
-unemployed millennial proverb
jaboukie / Via twitter.com

#16 On being paid for those jobs:
millennials are so SPOILED and ENTITLED
millennials: is it rude if i ask my employer to pay me
sistersome / Via twitter.com

#17 On astrology:
Millennial culture is texting your mom “what TIME was i born?”
andrew_nunez / Via twitter.com

#18 On driving:
Millennial culture is driving with your music really loud so you can’t hear all the fu*ked up sounds your sh*tty car is making
seven_thenumber / Via twitter.com

#19 On the environment:

EwdatsGROSS / Via twitter.com

#20 On the passage of time:
The sense of time I have as a millennial is so weird…
1970: About 30 years ago
1980: About 20 years ago
1990: About 10 years ago
2000: About 10 years ago
2010: About 1,000 years ago
2016: About 10,000 years ago
2018: About 1,000 years ago
Last week: About 1,000 years ago
quartzen / Via twitter.com

#21 On hopes and dreams:
Millennial culture is daydreaming how much you’d help your friends if you were ever to get rich.
Ambaaargh / Via twitter.com

#22 On tipping:
boomers paying their bill: you only had bud on tap not but light so you get 9% and I am going to spit in your face as I leave. good day
millennials paying their bill: this beer? incredible. you? incredible. I’m tipping you 30%. this is my last $20 but I want you to have it
cottoncandaddy / Via twitter.com

#23 On complaining:
Why do millennials complain all the time?
idk man, we watched 2000 people die on live tv when we were ten and then literally nothing ever got better
ItsDanSheehan / Via twitter.com

#24 On why we aren’t buying diamonds:

CowlonFullerton / Via twitter.com

#25 On avocados:

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: CowlonFullerton / twitter.com