The biggest surprise about parenting is the lies I am willing to tell just to stop the crying.

I get it now, men. I get it.

— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist) August 17, 2016

I almost just said "Calm your tits" to my 3yo. Thanks, Twitter.

— Wendy S. (@maughammom) June 14, 2013

If drinking wine from a sippy cup while I sit on a playground ignoring my kids is wrong, maybe this isn't a society I want to be a part of.

— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) April 30, 2016

I turn up the car radio when unwrapping candy so the kids don't bust me #momconfessions

— JoAnne (@joanneeppers) September 29, 2016

Confession: I went to my sons school lost and found with him today to see if there were any gloves I could steal for him. #momsecrets

— Gemdoula (@GemDoula) January 28, 2014

You aren't a real mom until you have a car with an overstuffed glove compartment filled with napkins stolen from fast food restaurants.

— EricaTriesToTweet (@SteussieErica) April 30, 2016

FACT: Had kids for one reason; to send them to the basement for paper towels when I run out of them in the kitchen. It's scary down there.

— EricaTriesToTweet (@SteussieErica) January 19, 2016

I will not lie, I have at some point had a crush on all of the Imagination Movers. #momconfessions

— jess…reimagined (@jessreimagined) October 13, 2016

I'm not saying I've let things slide but I put on mascara today and like 6 people at my kid's school yelled "WOW why are you so dressed up?"

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) September 12, 2016

I've eaten desert in the shower so I don't have to share with the kids. #momconfessions

— avery ghering (@discocutie) August 24, 2016

I was a better parent before I had kids.#momconfessions #Confessions #shamelessparenting

— K@'s Snarky Cartoons (@kats_cartoons) June 27, 2016

Sometimes I make up reasons to go to Target just so I can walk alone in the isles. #momsecrets #sahm #sahp #leftthekidsathome

— Tianna Crane (@cranesathome) August 13, 2016

Secret mom pleasures: every time I help my kid pick up his toys, I throw away one or two that I really hate… #momconfessions

— Michelle Flage (@chellemrf) July 20, 2016

The only reason I moved down south is so I could eventually earn the rights to say things like, "Child, please. Bitch done lost her mind."

— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) November 10, 2011

I look into peoples shopping carts to see if they are making just as #unhealthy choices as I am #truth #momconfessions

— Leslie Thornsbury (@NeverleftOz) July 28, 2016

Currently pretending I don't smell that my toddler's diaper is poopy since my husband is almost home. #momsecrets #DontJudgeMe

— Surviving Average (@SurvivAverage) May 22, 2014