#1
New Mom: I bought my kids’ Halloween costumes back in August!
Me: That’s cool. I take my kids shopping on October 31st so they can’t change their minds 800 times.
sarcasticmommy4 / Via twitter.com

#2
Halloween is the best because it’s the one day my kids go around demanding snacks from everyone else.
copymama / Via twitter.com

#3
5-year-old: Do I scare you?
Me: Of course
5: Because it’s almost Halloween?
Me: Because you’re my kid.
XplodingUnicorn / Via twitter.com

#4
You’d think my kids would behave knowing that Halloween is coming up and I can charge an a*shole tax in the form of chocolate peanut butter cups.
HousewifePlus / Via twitter.com

#5
Me: What do you need to watch out for while trick-or-treating?
Kids: Cars
Me: And…
Kids: Wine moms
mommajessiec / Via twitter.com

#6
A real haunted house would have a bunch of kids following you around asking random questions and then asking why? right after you answer it, and toddlers randomly throwing tantrums.
BunAndLeggings / Via twitter.com

#7
8yo: I want to paint my pumpkin this year!
Me: Cool, what color?
8yo: Orange!
Me:
8yo:
Me: *pours drink* Let’s do it
FatherWithTwins / Via twitter.com

#8
My kid wants $20 to go through a corn maze with his friends, which is $20 more than I normally pay to walk through vegetables.
Cheeseboy22 / Via twitter.com

#9
Wife: how do we explain Halloween to the kids?
Me: they put on a mask and ask strangers for candy.
Wife: but we said NEVER accept candy from strangers.
Me: we’ll tell them one day a year it’s ok.
Wife:
Me: it’s like the Purge but for Children.
NewDadNotes / Via twitter.com

#10
I told my kids that everyone is celebrating Mother’s Day on Halloween so they’re planning to give me first pick of all the candy as a present. Happy Mother’s Day Witches.
MaryJustice86 / Via twitter.com

#11
I was going to wear a scary costume to take the kids trick or treating, then realized going as a mom with 6 kids is terrifying enough.
Six_Pack_Mom / Via twitter.com

#12
You think you’re going to be this Mary Poppins type mom and before you know it you’re threatening to cancel Halloween in the middle of the grocery store.
Swishergirl24 / Via twitter.com

#13
Funny how everyone at my son’s school is commenting on my zombie costume when this is just what I look like now.
mommy_cusses / Via twitter.com

#14
9: Daddy, tell me a scary story.
*takes off my shirt and holds up a picture from when I was 20 beside me for comparison
9: Dear God…
drinksmcgee / Via twitter.com

#15
My daughter wants to be something scary for Halloween this year so she’s going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
simoncholland / Via twitter.com

#16
Just caught my kids eating our Halloween candy. An hour later my husband caught my kids and me eating our Halloween candy.
Lhlodder / Via twitter.com

#17
My mother goes as a broken record every year for Halloween, which is just her following behind me, telling me what a terrible parent I am.
MissHavisham / Via twitter.com

#18
Me: What do you say when you hold up your bag?
3-year-old: Treat or treat.
Me: TRICK or treat.
3: I want two treats.
XplodingUnicorn / Via twitter.com

#19
The only truly scary thing about Halloween is keeping your kids up past bedtime on a school night and giving them extra sugar.
saltymermaident / Via twitter.com

#20
As my son picked through his Halloween candy, he asked, “When can we go get a Christmas tree?”
Have kids. It’s fun.
sarcasticmommy4 / Via twitter.com

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: Lhlodder / twitter.com