1.
Somebody at google was just like “yea, just have someone drive down every road on fucking earth”.
- “What about places that don’t have roads?”
- “I don’t know, stick a camera on someone’s back and have them walk it.” Mutt1223
2.
The fatter you are, the better chance you have at winning in ‘Spin the Bottle’
jugs_galore
- Is there ever truly a winner in spin the bottle sexypanda657
– If you have ridiculously good looking friends. Dirty-Shisno
3.
8 hours of drinking is binge drinking, 8 hours of TV is binge watching, 8 hours of sleep is barely enough Regularoldballoon
- 8 hours of an erection is two medical emergencies.yes_its_him
- Or every single day of middle school.D0esANyoneREadTHese
4.
Bayonnets are litteraly made to bring a knife to a gun fight. I_N0_SC0P3D_JFK_
- They’re actually meant to bring a pike to a gunfight! Bayonets first developed as a way for slow-reloading gunpowder infantry to counter a cavalry charge. Stick a long, sharp blade on the end of a long wooden stick? Instant pike wall!blahtypedude
- I mean, there’s nothing wrong with bringing a knife to a gun fight, as long as you’re not only bringing a knife.KA1N3R
- So a knife and an orange is OK?BloonWars
5.
It is easier to stay awake till 6 AM than to wake up at 6 AM. itsaarav
- Moral of the story: Never sleepPiercethewizard
- Once you realize you don’t have to sleep anymore, your mind goes wide open.Deeshya
- Right. Then you start seeing the shit that no one else can.Syuriix
6.
Cell phones have greatly reduced bathroom graffiti RiftedEnergy
7.
One of the best feelings in the world is having a 1 hour dream in a 10 minute nap stopthej7
8.
Shout-out to all the dogs who’ve chased off burglars without their owners ever knowing. flametailvonkarma
- Shout out to my dog who thinks every sentient creature and my vacuum is a burglar. mystriddlery
Image Credit: Hansgrohe
9.
Super large cheeseburgers should have a lot of surface area instead of ridiculous height Greenbrock
10.
Megan Trainor has lost a lot of weight since becoming rich and famous off a song about how men should be attracted to overweight women instead of skinny ones. DJ_Serious
- well treble is equally as important as bass and midrange when it comes to equalization…MATFX333
- Because you know I’m all about that midrange, bout that midrange, it’s elusive!ajackk1
11.
People who think driving slower is safer than driving at normal speed are like those people who think using a dull knife is safer than using a sharp knife.
DaOrangatang
12.
The Apple logo represents that you’ll never quite get the full product satandotexe
- Apple originally wanted to use a full apple. But in small print it looked like a cherry. So they added the bite.pannullm
13.
It’s a good thing the first person they tested penicillin on wasn’t allergic to penicillin ElyFlyGuy
- It was tested on a guy who was going to die- a cop named Albert Alexander who got scratched by a rose thorn- and he improved, but then they ran out of penicillin and he died. LT256
14.
The best time to look for a new job is when you already have one.
The worst time to look for a new girlfriend is when you already have one.
Alca_Pwnd
15.
Humans are such a curious species that a wreck can cause traffic on the opposite side of the freeway. crhuble
- We call it rubber necking in the UK, drives me mad.fatfook
16.
If you use a wind farm to power a fan, you’re just teleporting the breeze Harryj65
17.
It would be useful if Amazon showed how many times an item had been bought and how many times it had been returned. CrazyKZG
18.
All new laptops should have a small sliding cover in front of the webcam. trollie74
- Shut up and dance. DaytonaDemon
19.
It’s socially acceptable to cough and sneeze, but not to fart despite the fact that coughing and sneezing can spread infection, but farting cannot. Gordon-Ramsey-Snow
- Speak for yourself. My farts can cause severe headache, hallucinations, night terrors, and sudden but acute homosexuality. WA_craft_beer
20.
Rubbing alcohol is for wounds on the outside, but drinking alcohol is for wounds on the inside. Suicid4l
21.
Making fun of overweight people at the gym is exactly like making fun of alcoholics in rehab.
cross_beaux
22.
When your GPA is low, it’s an indicator that you may not be cut out for the job you want. But when it’s high, it “doesn’t matter in the real world.”
Posti
23.
There should be Olympic paintball where countries send their special forces to compete.
abdlforever
24.
Spooning your lover while sleeping is like literally having their back when they are most vulnerable.
NegativePrimitive