#1
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
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#2
When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic
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#3
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen
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#4
I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”
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#5
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me
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#6
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
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#7
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over
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#8
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work
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#9
The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran
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#10
“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.
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#11
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea
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#12
A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending
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#13
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
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#14
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now
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#15
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
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#16
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe
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#17
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally
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#18
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
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#19
Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine
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#20
She had a photographic memory but never developed it
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Via BoredPanda, Preview photo credit: relativedimensions / reddit.com