1.
mum: i want to meet your boyfriend
me: yeah me too virguin

2.
ME: @god why don’t I have a boyfriend
GOD: I sent you one but u ain’t like his eyebrows geckoes

3. if i was your boyfriend id never let you go. id sew myself onto your body. we are permanently bonded. ven0moth

4. when my boyfriend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down brassy

5. my friend has black hair and the initials PM while her boyfriend has blonde hair and the initials AM and she told me that they joke that theyre ‘as different as night and day’ and i fell on the floor that shit was so adorable ladynecro

6. man her boyfriend is WHIPPED!!!!!! like she expects him to treat her with total respect & everything !!!! crazy flowury

7.
how to get a boyfriend
put peanut butter on a pinecone and roll it in bird seed. hang it up outside. wait. gothicprep

8. my boyfriend and i were eating nachos and he was struggling to get the good stuff on his chip so i used my chip to push it on his and he stopped and looked up at me and said “THIS is the type of support i need in a relationship” eating-ass

9. if your boyfriend doesn’t worship your butt then he’s a lame and i’m very sorry you have to deal with that churchvan

10. Once my friend asked her boyfriend “do you like the outdoors?” and he answered “I’m not familiar with their music” croutoncat

11. one time my boyfriend and I were cuddling and he was like “I know how to read palms” and I got really excited and he looked really intensely at my hand and then gasped and looked up at me and just went “it says that you’re a nerd” puplets

12. one time in grade six i went with my boyfriend to his school dance and when the song low came on i saw him across the gym grinding with a grade five and i got so mad that when single ladies played i stuck my hands up in the air and looked him right in the eyes when beyoncé asked all the single ladies to put their hands up and that’s how i broke up with my first boyfriend niallun

13. “you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes thernardier

14. my boyfriend’s college has an event before finals called the Cathartic Scream where they all gather in a field together and shriek into the void charminglyantiquated

15.
what if i got a boyfriend
i wouldn’t know what to do
what do they eat
how often do they have to be walked dysenterygay

16.
m’boyfriend after sex: what are you thinking about?
me: do you think aliens are anthropomorphic? like, do you think they have human-like features? what if they’re made of a matter completely different from our own, like you know how shrimp can sense UV light that’s invisible to the naked eye? what if the aliens’ bodies are made out of something like that that we can’t even perceive? they could be in the room with us right now and we wouldn’t even know. anyway, ready for round two? thehouseatr3n3corner

17.
just spooning my boyfriend
out of his container
it’s ice cream thrillionaire

18. “youve got male!” the computer beeps. you turn around and see that out of nowhere a brand new boyfriend has appeared. computers truly are quite amazing rneerkat

19.
my boyfriend and i have been in a relationship for over a year, thank you for sticking by me everyday
by boyfriend i mean laptop exhists

20.
So I asked my boyfriend to talk dirty to me in Bulgarian during sexytime…
It was incredibly hot, until I recognized the word “tomato” and asked him what he was saying. He then admitted that he was explaining how to make a salad. art/sex/food