1.
Smoke detectors are basically just you-su*k-at-cooking detectors.
juliussharpe

2.
Tired of recipes assuming I have a stove
KevinFarzad

3.
I’m never cooking again

byestephen

4.
[wife while im in a coma]
when you wake up I’m gonna cook you you a big meal
*flatlines*
fine we’ll order pizza
*beep babeep babeep babeep*
murrman5

5.
Stop wasting your money on cookbooks. Every recipe is just olive oil and garlic.
juliussharpe

6.
At the risk of sounding uninformed, what is a stove
senderblock23

7.
I’ll cook dinner tonight
“are you gonna pretend like you’re hosting a cooking show again”
*takes out fully cooked dinner I made earlier* yes
murrman5

8.
When your mom doesn’t cook you dinner

SteveStiffIer

9.
Wife: How was your day, honey?
Me: Definitely didnt use your hair straightener to try & cook a grilled cheese
Wife: What?
Me: I mean good
OBiiieeee

10.
Why does cooking takes like six hours and eating take like three seconds and washing dishes take like seven days and seven nights
HasnaatMahmood

11.
These biscuits are made from scratch. here’s the recipe: take 3 cups scratch mix it with a tablespoon of scratch and a pinch of scratch haha
dlicj

12.
Cooking spinach

shutupmikeginn

13.
Hello 911 [smoke alarm] so you can’t microwave aluminium foil?
CornOnTheGoblin

14.
Ya cooking is healthy & cheap. But u have to go to the “store” to get “ingredients” to make at ur “apartment” w/ a “stove” Where does it end
KevinFarzad

15.
Who says I can’t cook? You obviously haven’t tasted my cereal.
debostic

16.
Why does anyone put cookie dough in the oven when you can just put it in your mouth?
avada_kaydavra

Via BuzzFeed