1. people keep asking me what i will be for halloween and my answer is that i am halloween @lorde
2. If I pay $40 for a haunted house I better die @hodgesboi15
3. “daddy why do celebrate halloween” [don't say worshipping satan don't say worshipping satan] well son, it’s for worshipping satan @nice_mustard
4. The scariest Halloween costume I can think of is “regular adult who wants to show you how well they play piano” @paulbwelsh
5. love seeing the creative halloween costumes, like “cold nurse”, “cold schoolgirl”, “shivering female superhero”, “uncomfortably chilly pirat @tarashoe
6. there are two types of girls on Halloween @antijokeapple
7. Skeletons are a weird costume cuz you already got one of those in your body you’re pretty much a bone oreo with skin frosting dude @Hadzilla
8. If you really want to scare everyone this Halloween, dress up as intimacy. @trevso_electric
9. Friend: “what should I be for Halloween?
Me: “my designated driver” @CauseWereGuys
10. Halloween is just a scam by Big Cobweb to sell more big cobwebs. @ChaseMit
11. me: I think I’m gonna throw a halloween party
mom: oh good I’ll get my coffins out of storage @ArianaGrande
12. My daughters used to wear inappropriately sexy costumes for Halloween but now that they’re 16 they only dress that way all the time. @DannyZuker
13. *opens door*
trick or treat?
“It’s October 14th”
I’m dressed as a time traveller
*scraps dinner off plate into his bag*
“touché” @murrman5
14. 4 kids dressed as the Ninja Turtles just came to my door and I gave Raph and Mikey better candy because I’m a god damn American. @OhNoSheTwitnt
15. Congrats to “Monster Mash” on winning the VMA for “Best Halloween Song” for the 52nd consecutive year @brendohare
16. *Joe Biden throws Halloween catalog at wall*
WHY IS THERE NO SLUTTY VICE PRESIDENT COSTUME @BuckyIsotope
17. Not saying I’d rather eat a bowl of thumb tacks than a bowl of candy corn just saying it’d be a difficult choice @Anthonytothe
18. Girls at halloween parties @CauseWereGuys
19. One year dad dressed as “World’s Greatest Ninja” for Halloween and it was so good we haven’t seen him since. @daemonic3
20. [getting dressed for Halloween party]
*puts on a garbage can costume*
“Hey honey look, I’m going dressed up as your tweets!” @SortaBad
21. My Halloween name is my regular name because it scares people regularly @aparnapkin
22. HALLOWEEN COSTUME IDEAS:
SLUTTY TECH SUPPORT REP
SLUTTY SKELETON
SLUTTY TARGET LADY
SLUTTY GREMLIN
SLUTTY CASHIER
SLUTTY CIVIL WAR NURSE @NurseMurderer
23. For Halloween I’m going as that feeling you get at a store when you try to refold a sweater properly & put it back on the shelf. @robdelaney
24. haunted house idea: u walking down a narrow hallway w Cheerios stuck to ur sweatpants while your ex and his new family walk in front of u @KimmyMonte
25. Today is Halloween. Or as Lady Gaga calls it, amateur night. @anjeanettec
26. Halloween is a great reminder that “just being yourself” is horrible. @GregDorris
27. Check out My costume! It was surprisingly easy to make. @TheTweetOfGod
