1. This totally reasonable freakout
*calls up pizza place*
WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU’RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT’S WORKING
@KyleMcDowell86

2. Dramatic deliveries
Pizza’s here guys! I shout to the empty house.
A single tear runs down the delivery man’s face. He knows.
@figgled

3. Bittersweet realities
[INTERVIEW]
HR: What are your strengths?
Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*
HR: Wow-Weaknesses?
Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*
@CulturedRuffian

4. This funny connection
You know how singers point their finger towards the sky to hit that super high note? That’s what I do when I eat the last slice of pizza
@ElizaBayne

5. One of the biggest hardships ever
I used to feel left out when somebody didn’t invite me out but now I only feel that way when I see another apartment being delivered a pizza
@audipenny

6. This truth
Not to get political, but people who use utensils to eat pizza should be in federal prison
@longwall26

7. Heartbreaking moments
Pizza burned the inside of my mouth and I don’t really understand why the things I love keep hurting me.
@CauseWereGuys

8. The real reason to buy a “Baby On Board” sticker
I always use a baby on board sticker when I’m transporting pizza home
@soleilalaplage

9. How things really happened
On the 5th day God created the birds and all the living creatures in the oceans and then he was like, “Can we get pizza? It’s Friday.”
@birbigs

10. Pizza babies
I ate so much pizza at the restaurant that the extra slice I brought home doesn’t seem like food to me, but rather, my child
@bridger_w

11. Those times when you have to be a little selfish
“Is there any pizza left, dad?”
[slowly licking each individual slice of pizza while maintaining eye contact] No
@Reverend_Scott

via YouTube

12. Planning ahead
When I die don’t put flowers on my grave, put pizza.
@RobinMcCauley

13. The most effective diagram
Place one pizza on top of another to create a Venn diagram showing the overlap between “Happy People” and “People Who Have Pizza”
@SortaBad

14. A terrifying regret
I forgot my leftover pizza at the restaurant so I’ll probably think of this for the rest of my life
@DesiJed

15. How to get your priorities straight
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza
@ElizaBayne

16. A dream come true
A pizzeria made a pizza box out of pizza. One step closer to my dream coffin.
@TimDuffy