1. On politics
was hoping we'd get a better draw in World War 3, looks like we'll be going out in the group stage pic.twitter.com/QRXYAFrGPE
— billy (@milbil_music) April 10, 2017
2. On having kids
Dinny understand young cunts wantin kids man, just buy a PlayStation, theyre cheaper an ye dinny get the jail if ye chuck it oot the windae
— Goudie (@Goudie15) April 12, 2016
3. On wildlife
Fuck sake who would throw away a 4 pack a hedgehogs nd leave wan in it pic.twitter.com/yty4twTNyj
— Whit (@jonnycardle) April 1, 2016
4. On death in general
If ma grandweans take pictures a me dyin on ma hospital bed to post on social media fur attention a will haunt them till they die
— Mark (@_MK1872) March 24, 2017
5. On ethical dietary choices
Imagine being a fuckin vegan, walking hame after a night oot steaming like "fuck me i could go a cabbage supper"
— jake knowles (@knowlsie18) January 27, 2017
6. On nans
Why dae cunts have "RIPs" in their bios? Hows yer granny gonny check Twitter fae heaven when she couldny even work the fuckin tv remote
— Goudie (@Goudie15) December 11, 2015
7. On Ellen’s famous Oscar selfie
Sick bastards. pic.twitter.com/zVinRBvy1p
— Limmy (@DaftLimmy) March 3, 2014
8. On drugs
barber in town just got done for puntin gear, weird av been a customer for years n had no idea he cut hair
— david gemmell (@yeah_baaddy) October 6, 2016
9. On shitting
Get yersel doon to silverburn and dae a shite wi yer pal pic.twitter.com/X9zguHZoii
— tam (@thomas__mcguire) April 18, 2017
10. On wreck the hoose juice
Good to see buckfast now putting fighting instructions on the boxes pic.twitter.com/yzTLBUR4He
— Jake Sothern (@sothernfriedJ) February 7, 2017
11. On Facebook Marketplace
Can't believe that Facebook have put a button right in the middle of their app that shows you stolen goods in your local area
— Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle) February 21, 2017
12. On celebrity deaths
A canny even get decent WIFI in ma house never mind in a coffin 6ft under good effort mj son
@LewisElli0t
13. On romance
When yer burd asks wits for dinner… pic.twitter.com/6VrcqqaBHQ
— Jake Griffin (@jakegriffin67) October 9, 2016
14. On interior decor
Mental what a couple a fairy lights can do, ye could put them on a deed body n id be like omg that's fucking lovely get that on ma Instagram
— Paul Black (@paulbIack) September 14, 2016
15. On fancy-dress costumes
"What are you going as for Halloween this year?"
— l (@NotSQA) October 2, 2016
"A slutty jobby" pic.twitter.com/r0IaGiG29C
16. On parenting
Genuinley thought she hud the wain in a heedlock till a realised it wis in the pram ahahahahaa pic.twitter.com/HaHgtCAbxk
— Elyse Ivatt (@Elyseivattx) September 17, 2016
17. On beauty trends
Shame ye cannae contour yer horrible personality
— Goudie (@Goudie15) August 18, 2015
18.
AND ON EASTER SUNDAY JESUS DID RISE DECREEING THAT THE BIG TESCO MUST CLOSE IN HIS HONOUR BUT THE EXPRESS STORE CAN STAY OPEN FOR ESSENTIALS
— Dan (@ThatConnArtist) April 16, 2017
19. On the Royal Family
A 'souvenir royal pullout' would have saved us from they two wee drains on the system. pic.twitter.com/xZiqrrDokN
— The Blurst of Times (@BatmanAnderson) June 7, 2015
20.
Yer bfs pumping yer maw pic.twitter.com/FNDg76wK1z
— CAV (@cavaandaviid) January 26, 2017
21. On Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift seems like the kinda weirdo ye had in yer primary class that barked when ye spoke to them
— hayley (@hayleyburt0n) February 17, 2016
22. On children’s TV shows
Thats why there's been a delay way the royal mail pic.twitter.com/fmeCl7nqrO
— . (@Ryan_McCran) January 1, 2017