1.
didn’t sleep last night because I realized taylor swift was fucking lying about shaking it off
@nachosarah

2.
How To Tell If The Person You’re Dating Is Really A Floating Island Of Fire Ants
@Bez

3.
i’m sorry i was late i was busy scrolling tru my own instagram & feeling defeated by the passage of time
@ellomelissa

4.
I like the Fall air like I like my motherfucking bacon: crisp
@TheJamieLee

5.
I have p low self esteem for someone who always googles celebs to see if they’re single after I wake up from a sex dream about them
@annadrezen

6.
I think I just made up a new word: “icliterate.” For men who don’t know where the clit is. Has this been done? May I be a millionaire now?
@girlwithatail

7.
everyone knows 666 is the number of the beast but very few know 74 is the sleep number of the beast
@rachelle_mandik

8.
It’s Mary Shelley’s birthday? To celebrate, invent a new genre of fiction at a house party to avoid the attentions of a dude who’s trash.
@sweetpavement

9.
Shoutout to queer middle schoolers getting ready 4 back to school
Think of this time as “building a standup act.”
@cameronesposito

10.
If you want to hear about a female Lord of the Flies let me tell you about my experiences in all-girls’ show choir
@MaraWilson

11.
Can’t believe I forgot to make this game of thrones joke sunday but HELL YEAH WINTERS HERE DANY’S DEALING WITH 8 INCHES OF SNOW
@DanaSchwartzzz

12.
Game of Thrones budget:
- Extras, special effects, actors, sets = 7 million.
-Cersei’s wig = 1 dollar.
@albz

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