1.
me on a bad day pic.twitter.com/CxTJcFuuMa
— jess (@jesswithsleeves) September 20, 2017
2.
I’m terrified of getting amnesia, my voice is too condescending for me to ask “Do you know who I am?”
— Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) September 21, 2017
3.
my personal aesthetic is "sitcom actress trying to hide the obvious fact that she's pregnant"
— Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) September 17, 2017
4.
our expert pic.twitter.com/0fujyBfUoj
— bobby finger (@bobbyfinger) September 19, 2017
5.
Pennywise: "There's more than one bartender working down here."
— Ira Madison III (@ira) September 21, 2017
Me: pic.twitter.com/f06tLl9DuP
7.
ME: I can't believe I made it all the way through this date without ranting about the prison of debt!
— Avery Edison (@aedison) September 17, 2017
WAITER: Cash, or credit?
8.
Mount Rushmore pic.twitter.com/QbpzaHwd6C
— Matt Jacobs (@tarantallegra) September 18, 2017
9.
my dad found my douche and I had tell him it was a nasal spray and HE PUT IT IN HIS FUCKING NOSE IM DEAD SFJSKDJSLL
— Miguel (@_miguelros) September 18, 2017
10.
When I was younger I made a pact with my friend that if we weren't married by the time we were 30 we would heartily congratulate each other
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) September 20, 2017
11.
If you ever invite me to a dinner party and ask what I want to eat and I don't immediately text back "proverbs 15:17," it is an imposter
— Mallory Ortberg (@evilmallelis) September 19, 2017
12.
when i say yes to too many projects pic.twitter.com/lbLXNAddc1
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) September 20, 2017
13.
mother! At The Disco
— Matt Ortile (@ortile) September 21, 2017
14.
my attraction to pictures of men holding up fish they just caught: a byproduct of my rural upbringing, or of my will to die?
— JuanPa (@jpbrammer) September 19, 2017
15.
How confused about the world are you right now, on a scale of 0 to "trying to figure out a friend's shower"
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) September 19, 2017
16.
i think at least twice a day about that tumblr post that's like "what if aristotle was pronounced like chipotle"
— daisy (@mermatriarch) September 19, 2017
17.
I'm supposed to be packing pic.twitter.com/LJP14y3WLB
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) September 21, 2017