1.
*at my funeral*
Friend crying over my casket: look they’re burying her in her favorite dress
Me, still dead: it haaasss pockets
@behindyourback

2.
I can’t believe women used to have to wear shoulderpads, i’m so grateful menstruation moved to the vagina in the 90s.
@Brocklesnitch

3.
o yeah u love women??? name their last three albums. thought so. u don’t listen to women
@priya_ebooks

4.
I overheard a guy saying to his girlfriend “are you ready to fucking rage” as they walked into target together and that’s what I want
@kpfeffss

5.
Do men like being kicked in the sack? Women in new survey given after being shown this headline say yes.

@OhNoSheTwitnt

6.
The Venn diagram of men who say women take too long to get ready and men who ask if you’re sick when you’re not wearing makeup is a circle.
@vornietom

7.
Birth control pills are like cute little advent calendars for a really shitty holiday.
@JennyPentland

8.
Me: I look great today
Fluorescent lights: I can fix that.
@goldengateblond

9.
Focus group. This could have been avoided with 1 focus group (of women).

@JillianDavid13

10.
if you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side
@pIayboigus

11.
Me: I know exactly where I want to eat
Inner me: Tell him you don’t know

@InnerKermit

12.
I always feel like I’m forgetting something whenever I leave the house carrying less than like 9 purses full of garbage
@audipenny

13.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, b/c I didn’t immediately get out of his way as he was walking towards me & now he’s perplexed.
@phranqueigh

14.
How does the little mermaid decide which creatures are her friends and which ones are her bra
@Flora__Flora

15.
me everytime

@LolitaDrugs

16.
When a man tells me he’s looking for a ‘real woman’ I scurry away because I’m actually three owls in a raincoat AND HE MUSTN’T FIND OUT.
@Mimiification

17.
Behind every strong woman is 5 other strong women who proofread her email real quick when they had a second
@twelveoclocke

18.
You can complain all you want about women taking selfies; we aren’t the ones naming our children our own exact fucking names.
@1followernodad

19.
When you shave for the first time in months.

@Manda_like_wine

20.
20 Things That Women Should Stop Wearing After The Age of 30
1-20: The weight of other people’s expectations & judgments
@behindyourback

21.
When someone does you wrong then tries to come back into your life but you already told your mom about them

@chanelpuke

22.
If you think you have a stupid question, just remember NASA engineers once asked Sally Ride if 100 tampons were enough for a 7 day mission.
@MarisaLange

23.
are you even a girl if you don’t tell people you’re wearing jeans and a nice top ????
@ebs_rose

24.
Beauty & the Beast review
1. I’d fuck Gaston
2. I’d fuck the Beast
3. I have not had sex in a very long time
4. I will fuck the kettle
@figgled

25.
“How do you find anything in here?!”
-my mugger, giving my purse back
@amydillon

26.