1.
My girlfriend's been at a baby shower for like 3 hours that baby's gotta be so fucking clean by now what the fuck are they even doing
— Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) April 22, 2017
2.
Someone on Facebook has just discovered the concept of plants. pic.twitter.com/KmWht8MOrt
— lesmondine (@lesmondine) April 15, 2017
3.
IF U BUMP INTO UR EX WITH HIS NEW GIRL ACT FAKE EXCITED TO MEET HER AND SINCERELY SAY "OMG I RLY LIKE UR PAJAMAS" NO MATTER WHAT SHE WEARING
— FISH MOM (@HotMessSWAG) May 30, 2016
4.
the two genders pic.twitter.com/lnJ0B3sNXZ
— Alex Temple (@alextemplemusic) April 21, 2017
5.
Hi my name is Jacob. I have your 2 large pizzas and I'm here to steal your girl pic.twitter.com/TWtNC5wxY3
— Jacob Gulley (@Jacob_Gulley) June 4, 2016
6.
guy: I'm 6'4", homeless, I don't have a car, I'm unemployed, and I've been arrested 6 times
— ashley (@ashleyms030) April 27, 2017
me: ….did you say..6'4"? pic.twitter.com/1gOCO37yNv
7.
A woman on the subway printed out 15 pages of Facebook posts and is just reading the commentspic.twitter.com/JEbnzM9ftR
— Alex Steinman (@AlexSteinman) July 6, 2016
8.
he whomsoever that canst draw the motorola from this carriageway shall be kinge of all post brexit englandde pic.twitter.com/P32nrcaBRC
—(@alex4pt) April 23, 2017
9.
My little sister's pre-language infancy was spent ardently yet fruitlessly trying to describe a spicy meatball pic.twitter.com/OL4AKpltre
— umami skeleton (@Merman_Melville) July 23, 2016
10.
in a week its gonna be 9 years since bruno mars was surprised to see pete wentz pic.twitter.com/tDUMI0lKoG
— justi 5/45 (@damontrash) April 21, 2017
11.
i blocked my ex on everything but she some how managed to message me through direct tv pic.twitter.com/xpPZPSCgLB
— Charles (@CabBish_) July 14, 2016
12.
how'd he have time to write all those plays then pic.twitter.com/O6I4qc4YPY
— #softmom (@tatianawrites) March 20, 2017
13.
When you ask a 1st grade class to write letters to people in a nursing home… pic.twitter.com/g2yEaoR6IF
— Anna (@annaszpalik14) September 10, 2016
14.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) April 10, 2014
15.
How does she find time for airport security? pic.twitter.com/QZCJp5Uzc8
— KieranHD (@KieranHD) April 12, 2017
16.
My ex smoked for the first time today and look what this bitch texted me pic.twitter.com/PdAsvBp1Qj
— Ghost (@KillianTrill) April 20, 2017
17.
And this is why I believe I should be the next president of the United States of America. pic.twitter.com/IVHryyBjZ5
— Scritt (@scritt_) August 13, 2016
18.
braggin about havin 4 legs when there's people who only have 1, fucking disgusting pic.twitter.com/2FOQ2ERNgz
— Adam (@barnettsufc) August 10, 2016
19.
favorite part of googlemaps is this man unzipping his cargo pants into cargo shorts at the grand canyon pic.twitter.com/5Jd7NhZmJz
— sarah jean (@sarahjeanalex) August 30, 2016
20.
How fast was this duck going? pic.twitter.com/ddjBc0VnHZ
— Scoots (@scootertooter7) September 2, 2016
21.
Pretty sure these aren't 32" length @ASOS pic.twitter.com/nY2bYV3nCq
— George Riggall (@GeorgeRiggall) May 26, 2016
22.
One time my sister scared the shit out of my parents by walking down the stairs like this pic.twitter.com/UhRCgeg5cD
— Jar Jar Bindz (@BindzBrain) August 13, 2016
23.
THIS MF EAT SOMEBODY EVERYBODY GONNA BE "IM SHOCKED!! HE WAS SO QUIET REALLY NICE & KEPT TO HIMSELF, HONOR STUDENT" pic.twitter.com/IdAI9NGSFy
— THE KID MERO(@THEKIDMERO) June 15, 2016
24.
did shrek not wear this pic.twitter.com/I25R4NoIWD
— jack (@kysbaker) September 11, 2016
25.
"Unlock the car Sharon, I love you. We can make this work." pic.twitter.com/Q5Vygjdxee
— D Duh (@d_duhwit) June 21, 2016
26.
our cats had a fight and my parents are trying to make them resolve it lol pic.twitter.com/O7IHihmPo1
— allie oetken (@allieoets) June 26, 2016
27.
"I actually invented Lemonade so it should be free." pic.twitter.com/k8Yq3aGTLa
— blaria. (@Keelectric_Lady) April 27, 2017