1.
This carrot looks.. as if it wants to be an astronaut so badly pic.twitter.com/AUKIMPF6nT
—(@Baelitt) September 18, 2017
2.
Just realized Gotham has no plan for signalling Batman if there's a daytime emergency.
— Kate Sidley (@sidleykate) September 19, 2017
3.
imagine having sex and he says "say my name baby" but his name is gilbert
— kels(@baddiekel) September 1, 2017
4.
THERAPIST: do you want to talk about
— shariah carey (@AliceAvizandum) August 29, 2017
ME: no no nO doc that's a load bearing neurosis, you move it and this whole thing comes down around us
5.
See you in court Palmer Paint Products pic.twitter.com/0mxXgGCQcn
— leah (@LeleTill) September 13, 2017
6.
"You are descended from mighty wolves, Fielder. A regal hunter. A nearly perfect predator."
— Hillary Monahan (@HillaryMonahan) August 31, 2017
Fielder: pic.twitter.com/aSrMRw93xs
7.
Before u leave the house, think of the acronym 'WOWEE'
— Deirdre (@figgled) September 14, 2017
Wallet
phOne
Wkeys
Egg
Egg (backup)
8.
Jax has really bad eye sight, so the doctors prescribed him doggles. You're welcome. pic.twitter.com/BWcK8qVJWp
— Madison Berglund (@madisonkilian) September 28, 2016
9.
"exercise helps depression"
— linds (@linsagna) September 14, 2017
me: pic.twitter.com/BF74bWyQdO
10.
I'm probably more pleased with myself than I should be. pic.twitter.com/YiTOfbuDih
— K Schroeds(@kbschroedy) September 1, 2017
11.
is it worth IT?
—(@2oo2grl) September 15, 2017
lemme work IT
i put my thang down flip IT and reverse IT pic.twitter.com/bwXBDA1WUj
12.
me after i sliced my mans face off so i can unlock his iphone x pic.twitter.com/84KUmLBjWB
— wendy wu (@_YerikaC) September 12, 2017
13.
so disappointed after seeing this photo & realizing that's a third llama in the back & not the arm of the right llama ringing a little bell pic.twitter.com/LM1yhbkW0M
— Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy) September 12, 2017
14.
having a job is cool until you gotta go to work.
— brown suga (@brownsuga_marie) September 12, 2017
15.
@dddrop_the_lace
16.
I got Kiwi a lil goth gfpic.twitter.com/dZ0jb0ZVc3
— maura (@painthands) September 4, 2017
17.
i really, really recommend blocking as many corporate accounts you can
— Whynowhy™ (@peggywhynowhy) September 17, 2017
so you get promoted tweets like this pic.twitter.com/5a6J4ZCxKo
18.
bröther may I have some almönds pic.twitter.com/sxdGoNhlWq
— (@laratxt) September 6, 2017
19.
Me thinking about a joke I told last week pic.twitter.com/HQiuKXvJUW
— anna (@nutellaANDpizza) September 14, 2017
20.
I am the nigh— awww yisss scritches pic.twitter.com/5ydLgRVk0A
— Dea Poirier (@deapoirierbooks) August 30, 2017
21.
How does the little mermaid decide which creatures are her friends and which ones are her bra
— Flora Flora(@Flora__Flora) June 29, 2017
22.
I reread this 100x & im still weak pic.twitter.com/ZZD04wpRlP
— Grace Blood (@CrystalPhinn) September 4, 2017
23.
me overthinking how I said "here" during attendance pic.twitter.com/YEx9saFzqz
— sof (@sofritolocito) September 7, 2017
24.
girls these days at 2 vs. me when I was 2 pic.twitter.com/hnNXMBMQgo
— lourdes (@gossipgriII) August 30, 2017
25.
@socarolinesays
26.
when i'm deep in a depressive episode and someone tells me to "stay positive" pic.twitter.com/2c8fUPlFoP
— tired (@ugsadkid) September 11, 2017
27.
My hedgehog had babies last night & they are about the cutest lil nutsacks I've ever seenpic.twitter.com/Fr2FAugutq
— maura (@painthands) September 11, 2017
28.
@thenudequeen