1.
Somebody on Craigslist has a cow for sale and accidentally typed my number as the contact number. This has been the worst morning of my life pic.twitter.com/x8o7wkCzQx
— shannon (@Itsyaaboysb) July 28, 2017
2.
I'm watching two crows fight over a toothbrush. Crows don't even have teeth, it's just capitalism making them want things they don't need
— Alan (@alan_maguire) July 18, 2017
3.
Delivery guy: Could I use your toilet?
— Barnesy (@3arnesy) July 27, 2017
Me: Yes sure it's the door under the stairs.
Delivery guy: Which one?
Me: Erm, the person sized door. pic.twitter.com/DBBpYiUC1W
4.
Some baby on this plane is singing the ABCs all out of order and a guy just shouted "yes girl remix!!"
— kelsey (@silence__kit) July 7, 2017
5.
Thanks for the clarification, Dad. pic.twitter.com/Y2ulMh7sJV
— Ray (@rayy_baybay) July 21, 2017
6.
yall tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.
— childish sadbino (@datassque) July 30, 2017
7.
Focus group. This could have been avoided with 1 focus group (of women). pic.twitter.com/C76lv5ji33
— Jillian David (@JillianDavid13) July 3, 2017
8.
Congratulations to the happy couple! pic.twitter.com/sVQyAv7GOb
— Tettra™ @FM? (@tettracat) July 29, 2017
9.
the guy who brings his own lamp to the archives is back. when I asked him about it last time all he said back was "I'm not fucking around" pic.twitter.com/ba5AwcomxJ
— Stephanie McKellop (@McKellogs) June 21, 2017
10.
Cheers gran pic.twitter.com/KoL3GIJkuQ
— Jack Gault (@jackgaut_) July 15, 2017
11.
So my uncles who just got married are both named David and this is their cake pic.twitter.com/Ub76UokWxn
— veteran kuja fucker (@ElizSimins) June 24, 2017
12.
My mom be cutting up fruit & bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. Thats when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much
— Madoff (@RealSlimSantana) August 2, 2017
13.
me n andy r out for lunch look at the size of this pepper grinder lmfaoooooo pic.twitter.com/KLlAtmQbKm
— Kels fergo (@kelsfergo_) May 28, 2017
14.
It is with a heavy heart that I must announce I am finally getting rid of my confusing and racist microwave pic.twitter.com/ghomeTrUzo
— local crop top cat (@niceesque) July 14, 2017
15.
Hahahaha my cousin posted this for his daughter's Christening but clearly got a bollocking from either his girlfriend or his Mam over it pic.twitter.com/5tBSHqJrX2
— Ste (@notstelfc) August 2, 2017
16.
my mom asked me for a pic of ed sheeran and i tried to be funny and i edited it i didnt know she was gonna frame it a week later jfc pic.twitter.com/uFNzgnztaF
— goth turtle (@dubstep4dads) July 13, 2017
17.
The Telegraph have officially run out of things to attack millennials for pic.twitter.com/e4UYVeOsg9
— Alex Finnis (@AlexFinnis) July 31, 2017
18.
MY MOM DEADASS SENT THE OBAMAS A WEDDING INVITATION BACK IN MARCH AND JUST RECEIVED THIS IN THE MAIL. IM HOLLERING pic.twitter.com/cUiRRAfrvD
— brooke. (@96_brooke) July 31, 2017
19.
Riley, you're a genius. pic.twitter.com/Lp3VAf7C2Q
— Joel Willans (@Joelwillans) July 30, 2017
20.
DRESS FOR THE JOB YOU WANT pic.twitter.com/Kr48zBcL1m
— Klaudia Amenábar (@kaludiasays) August 2, 2017
21.
A DOG SHOULD BE ABLE TO PURSUE WHATEVER CAREER IT DAMN WELL WANTS. pic.twitter.com/GpXQGGmIjV
— Jack Kirby (@jackkirby) July 21, 2017
22.
My dad takes pictures of the dogs at the houses he works on and posts them on his business' Facebook page as employee of the week pic.twitter.com/BrkYKdr1lT
— dill2ill (@_illdill_) August 1, 2017
23.
My colleague ordered a custom stamp to save time on farewell cards. pic.twitter.com/AjpTPLxbVH
— Hunter Smith (@MrHunterSmith) July 20, 2017
24.
Well, here's rural Nova Scotia in two pictures, taken a day apart. Photos by Andrew Killawee pic.twitter.com/BkjBB6qyZf
(@annascottpiano) August 1, 2017
25.
WHO CARES IF I FAILED SCIENCE I FOUND TWO BARRELS FULL OF FIDGET SPINNERS pic.twitter.com/gmBpIG0iAE
— Sharp Pointy (@Fireflufferz) July 17, 2017
26.
I think my barista is depressed pic.twitter.com/XkF8Vg5dQK
— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) July 30, 2017
27.
I bought my mom a book on how to make tiny hats for cats yesterday and she just TEXTED ME THIS PICTURE pic.twitter.com/n1a12QUaG9
— wendy (@haganechin) July 15, 2017