1.
My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said “it rings a bell.” No one laughed, I’m too witty for this class.
@stevehasnoweave

2.
David: *plays secret chord*
The Lord: Nice.
@psybermonkey

3.
Your law firm name is your surname plus the surnames of all the other named partners at your law firm
@HeraLindsayBird

4.
“Orion’s Belt is a big waist of space.”
Terrible joke. Only three stars.
@techoglot

5.
This Fibonacci joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined.
@calvinb

6.
Ur mcm looks like a wcw I had in February of last year
@vincentvanngoth

7.
I wish I could stop naming Bruce Willis films. I guess old habits… Pulp Fiction.
@DanielEdison_

8.
[shark tank]
me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
shark 1: i’m out
shark 2: i’m out
hammerhead shark: i’m listening
@AndrewChamings

9.
[Funeral]
Me: “Do you mind if I say a word?”
Widow: “Please do”
Me *clears throat: “Plethora!”
Widow: “Thank you. That means a lot.”
@WheelTod

10.
Trying to find the cleanest public restroom stall is the real game of thrones.
@Rollinintheseat

11.
most cutting thing you can say is “who’s this clown?” because it implies they’re a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns
@skullmandible

12.
GF: I’m sick of you pretending you’re a detective. We should split up
ME: Good idea. We can cover more ground that way.
@MatCro

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@finah

19.

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@The_CSJR

21.

@SpoonsTom

22.

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@_ihateyall